Bex

Chapter 20:

  I rolled over in my bed with a groan. I almost wept as I turned my alarm off. It was too soon to leave my bed- too soon to face the world. I had stayed in my bed all weekend, only leaving it when I needed to pee.

  A hollow pain shot through my chest. A pain that screamed with sorrow and need for the one person I never thought I would ever hurt. Ben, the pain hissed. I clutched my chest as if I pressed hard enough I could reach through my chest cavity and claw the pain out. I felt the tears well up in my eyes again, but I stopped them this time.

  I deserve this, I told myself. I deserve all the pain I'm  feeling right now. I hurt Ben. And when Ben hurts, I hurt.

  I scrubbed at my eyes in frustration. I tried to calm myself down, but I'll I could do was think about Ben. I tried texting and calling; all the calls went to voicemail and all the texts were left unread. He didn't want to talk to me; I didn't blame him.

  He hates me.

  I felt another stab of pain in my chest. People always talk about the emotional pain someone goes through when their heart gets broken- they never say how it can physically hurt you, too.

  I broke Ben's heart, but I broke mine in the process. But it'll be better this way- better to have him hate me. It'll make things easier on the both of us when I die- well, it'll be easier on Ben.

With a sigh, I got out of bed and left my morbid thoughts behind. I was sad, in pain, and frustrated. Instead of letting my emotions keep getting under my skin, I did what I do best when I wanted to avoid my problems.

  Rebel.

I discarded my school uniform for a T- shirt that says whatever, shorts, fishnet stockings, my boots, and of course my leather jacket. I didn't feel like doing much with my hair, so I brushed it out and put on a beanie. I finished getting ready and cautiously walked downstairs. I was trying to avoid Tyler. The last time we talked was when he carried me upstairs to my room after Ben... left.

  I swayed slightly in Tyler's embrace, and he gripped me tighter to his chest. It had been awhile since Tyler had carried me- I think the last time he did I was six- the time I had twisted my ankle. It was a welcome comfort, but it did nothing to stop the pain.

  He carried me all the way to my room. He gently laid me down on my bed, and he wrapped me in the purple blanket that had rested at the end of my bed.

  "Are you calm enough to tell me what happened now?" His blue eyes held a cautious light; he laid an uncertain hand on my leg.

  With a deep breath I told him of Ben's confession and the events that came after. When I met Tyler's eyes, I saw no surprise on his face like I had expected to see.

"Did you know he was in love with me?"

  Tyler quickly looked away.

  "Tyler!" My voice shook. "Did you know Ben was in love with me?"

  He looked at me with sad and tired eyes. He looked as if he aged thirty years within the span of fifteen minutes.

"Everyone knew, sis. It was written all over his face every time he looked at you."

  "Why didn't you say anything?" I was getting mad at my older brother, but really I was mostly mad at myself.