Bex

Chapter 30:

  At first I didn't know where I was going to go. I was hoping to drive till I felt better, but that seemed ridiculously impossible. I let that motorcycle riding, infuriating, playboy weasel his way into my heart, and he broke it just like he's done to every other girl. I told myself in the beginning I wasn't going to be like every other girl, but here I was crying over him.

  When I pulled myself from my thoughts, I found myself on a familiar street. I took it as a sign to go to the one place I was still hopefully welcomed. I pulled into Ben's driveway and killed the engine. I stumbled out of the car, quickly trying to make my way to his front porch. I had no idea what I would say to Ben- if he would even listen to me.

  I was almost to the front steps when I spotted Ben; he was sitting on a chair, and it looked like he was drawing; his sketch pad was propped up against his knees. He must have heard my heels clicking on the stone walk because he lifted his head up from his notebook without me saying a word. He scowled when he saw me.

"What are you doing here, Bex?" He hissed. Before I could answer, he rushed over to me when he got a closer look at my face. "Hey, what happened?" Ben started to rub his hands down my cold arms.

  "You were right, Ben. You were right about Axel; I should've listened to you- he's an asshole. And I'm so sorry for everything!" My tears were coming back in steady streams down my cheeks.

  "What are you talking about? Sorry for what?" He was being calm for my benefit, but I could tell he was concerned and confused.

  "For what happened between us. I miss you, Benny. I- I miss my best friend." I began to hiccup with small sobs. "And I've been keeping secrets and lying to you- to everyone. A- and I'm just so tired, Ben."

  I looked up into his hazel eyes, slightly leaning into his grasp for some much needed support. What I said was true: I am tired. Tired of hiding and lying and pretending that I'm okay. It was physically exhausting to keep on going the way I had been for almost two months; the thought of it overwhelmed me. All the bloody tissues at the bottom of a trash can and secret pill popping and covering bruises with makeup was just too much anymore.

  "I'm sick, Benny."

  "What do you mean sick?" He couldn't hide the alarm on his face any longer.

  "I have leukemia."

  I felt like this huge weight I'd been carrying around with me had been lifted. I almost sighed with relief... until I saw Ben's face, and I immediately wished I could take back what I said. He looked as if he was going to throw up.

"What?"

"I- I have-"

"I heard you! Oh God, Becca!" He pulled me against him in a hug, practically crushing me in his embrace. He was shaking as I tried to hug him back just as hard. "Becca..." He kept whispering my name.

  I stayed in his embrace for I don't know how long- listening to him say my name and rubbing my hands up and down his back to try and calm him- until he finally pulled away. His hazel eyes were bright with tears. I wanted to throw my arms around him again, but I held back. I didn't know what else to say; I could've said I'll be alright, Benny, don't worry, but I can't guarantee that.

  "You must have a lot of questions. And I think I'm ready to answer them." I bit my lip and hugged my arms around myself when a brisk wind knocked into me.

  "You can tell me inside- let's get you out of this cold air." Ben gently grabbed my arm and led me up the front steps.

  When I walked through the door the house seemed quiet; Ben must be the only one awake- made since, considering it was almost midnight. I followed him up to his bedroom and awkwardly stood in the middle of his room. Ben was sifting through his wardrobe; he handed me some pjs when he was done. I took them hesitantly with an eyebrow raised.