Alive

Eleven

Tris's POV

We have been planning our wedding for a month now and things are going well. We are getting married in four weeks. I'm excited. But I'm nervous. Like most brides probably are for their wedding.

My scars have mostly healed, though some of them are deep enough to be permanent. Like the stab wound on my stomach, Hana said that one will always be there. Which I'm really not happy about. It will just keep reminding me of the baby Tobias and I lost. Some of the ones on my back are also permanent. And a few on my arms and legs and chest. But the stomach one is my least favourite out of all of them.

Today Tobias and I are just chilling at home. He has the day off work but everyone else is working so we are alone. My parents got their own apartment just down the hall from us. They didn't want to go back to Abnegation because they didn't want to be too far away from me. Also, my mum used to be Dauntless and she loves it here, my dad is warming up to it. They and Uriah have managed to go on and get jobs but I haven't because my body is in worse shape than theirs. Though, I am putting weight on so I am not too skinny anymore. Sure, you can still see my ribs and my collar bone quite a bit, but they aren't as prominent as they were when I got here.

Tobias is making lunch right now as I sit on the sofa, watching TV. I am wearing one of Tobias' grey shirts and some black yoga pants. Tobias is wearing a shirt and some jogging bottoms.

He calls me to the kitchen when he is done and I see two plates of sandwiches on the small table. As well as two glasses of apple juice.

We sit and eat, talking about whatever.

Everything is planned for the wedding. I have my dress. He has his tux. Everything is ready. We decided to get married by the Ferris wheel and our reception is going to be by the net, the one you jump into to get into Dauntless when you start initiation. Then our honeymoon is going to be in Amity, it will last a week.

"What if, after the wedding, we tried for a baby?" I ask.

"Tris, you know that is going to be risky, and it will mean you being on bed rest. You can only get up to go to the toilet, to eat, or to go on short walks. Do you really want to go through that? Even then there's a high chance of miscarriage."

"I don't care, I want to try, Tobias. I can't wait two years to have a child. I can't do that whilst I watch Beatrice grow up and feel jealous of my brother, I can't watch as our friends may start popping out children. I go out and I look at a baby and I just feel like crying. I went to get my wedding dress and the person behind the counter had her little boy in her arms because the babysitter was ill, after I paid for the dress I came home and cried. I can't live like that for two years. Watching, as everyone else has healthy babies and I don't because mine are dead." I'm crying by the end of that.

"And what if you have another miscarriage? That will just make you feel worse. Tris, I want to try for a baby, I do. More than anything. But I know that if you get pregnant before those two years then there is a really high chance of the baby dying, and you will have to go on bedrest. Tris, I can't put you through that. I love you, too much, to see you go through another loss, and I know there is a very high chance of you losing the baby if you get pregnant before those two years. To be honest, I probably wouldn't be able to cope either. So I say we wait two years, and then try. Okay?"

He's crying as well.

I know he's right. There is a high chance of miscarriage if I get pregnant before those two years are up. I will have to be on bedrest. We won't be able to cope if we lose another baby. It will make us feel worse.

But living through two years when other people are having babies, and not me, will also make me feel bad.

I nod in reply because that is the only thing I can do.

I finish my sandwich and go to our bedroom. I get into the bed and cry some more.

The bed dips and I know Tobias is here as well. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into him. I cry into his chest. Clinging onto his shirt with one hand.

"I'm sorry Tris, I just want what's best for you. I want a baby with you, I do, but it's best if we wait. And I'll be here, for you, forever. If ever you get upset I will comfort you, I promise. These two years will be tough on me as well, but we'll get through it, together."

I just nod, again.

We lay there, crying with each other, for hours. At dinner time Tobias makes a pasta bake and we eat in a comfortable silence. Then we watch films and go to bed. Falling asleep in each other's arms, like we will for the rest of our lives.

Hopefully.

A/N: Sorry for the really short update! Again, still at 0 reads...

Word Count: 959