Alive

Thirteen

Tris's POV

A week later and I am feeling better about the whole Shauna and Zeke having a baby thing. I am happy for them. They deserve this. I'm just upset it couldn't be me having a baby. But we're waiting for two years. Maybe that's what's best anyways.

Today Christina and I are going shopping because she wants to. She drags me into every store for clothes, shoes, make-up, lingerie, everything. Literally.

By the time we are done I have ten bags on each arm full of clothes which I'm probably not going to wear often. But it was fun.

We drop off my things at mine and Tobias' apartment before going to hers. We sit down on the sofa and talk over coffee and ice cream she had imported from Candor somehow.

"So, I was thinking, I know how much you and Tobias want a kid but you have to wait for two years. Why don't you adopt or get a surrogate?" She suggests before shoving a spoon of ice cream in her mouth.

I stare at her as tears fill my eyes.

"What did you just say?" I ask.

"It's just a suggestion. But you get to have a kid before those two years are over and I know how much you want one."

A tear slips out of my eye and runs down my cheek.

"And you think it's going to be that easy for me?"

"Tris, it's just a suggestion, you don't have to do it. I thought it would make you happier, to have a way of having a child."

"And if I adopt then I have to deal with the fact that someone else had that child, it won't be mine, and that someone else had a healthy baby when mine are dead. If I get a surrogate I have to deal with the fact that again someone else had that child, not me. Yeah, it will be mine biologically, but I wouldn't have gone through the pregnancy myself. All I want is to get pregnant and have a healthy baby out of it. Sure my second baby was healthy when she was born but I had to watch her be murdered. Christina, do you even understand at all? I can't do those things because I will feel useless, like I can't do the one thing that a woman is supposed to do. And I can't, not for the next two years anyway. And who knows, maybe I won't be able to get pregnant ever again. I have to go."

I stand and leave the apartment, crying the whole way home.

I enter my apartment to find Zeke, Uriah and Tobias in there, on the sofa, laughing.

When they see me they all look worried.

"Tris, honey, what's wrong?" Tobias asks, wrapping his arms around me.

I just start sobbing into him.

Christina runs in.

"Tris, I'm sorry. I just wanted to try and make you feel better."

"Chris, what did you say to her?" Tobias asks her.

"I just suggested a few ways you guys could have kids so you don't have to wait two years."

"What were they?" Tobias asks.

"Adoption or getting a surrogate."

"Christina, why did you suggest them? You know she wants to do it herself. Especially after what she's been through." Tobias.

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to make her feel better." Christina.

"Yeah, well thanks for nothing." Tobias.

"Chris, let's just go and give them some time." Uriah drags her out, Zeke leaves as well, shutting the door behind them.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such a mess." I cry.

"Hey, it's all right. You've been through so much. You're so brave."

"I don't feel brave."

"Well you are. You're amazing. I love you."

"I love you, too. But I don't know how much longer I can live like this."

"How about we give it a year and ask Hana to run some checks to see if you're healed enough to have a baby?"

I look at him.

"And what if I'm not?"

"Then we'll just have to wait a bit longer, but it's worth a shot, isn't it?"

I nod.

"So, I say we go the day after our one year wedding anniversary to ask Hana. What do you say?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

I smile and kiss him.

For the rest of the afternoon we watch movies, cuddled together on the sofa. Tobias makes us some dinner so we don't have to go down to the cafeteria. We watch another two movies before going to bed, drifting into sleep wrapped in each other's arms.

A/N: Sorry for a short update guys! But no one is reading the book!

Word Count: 790