A Love that's Hard to Find: Joshifer Fanfiction

Chapter 30

Josh's POV 

I get ready to go out to dinner with Claudia. I put on a collar shirt with some slacks. If I want to irritate Jen I got to dress nice. I stand in front of the mirror and struggle to put my tie on.  So many people tried to teach me how to put a tie on but for some reason my brain won't catch it.  Someone knocks at the door. I answer it and its Jen. "Hey!" I say. I might be upset but I can't help but smile each time I see her face. 

"Hi," she says. I let her come in. "You look good." She says and she gives me a hug. I hold her tight. She releases me and we look at eachother. Have to admit, that stare got awdward. "So what's the ocassion?" She asks going to the bed and sititng down. 

"What do you mean?" I ask. I sit down next to her. "Your look nice and you smell good." She says. "There has to be an ocasion for me to dress nice?" I say with a smirk. "Yes, so what it is," she says with a laugh. 

"Oh nothing. Don't worry about it." I want to tell her but in a way I don't. I shouldn't. I keep my mouth shut instead. She sighs, "fine." 

"Its been over an hour and I'm still trying to put the stupid tie on." I say. "You still haven't learn how to put a tie on?" She says. "It's hard." I complain. 

"Here I'll help you." She says rolling her eyes. I get up and grab my tie. I hand it to her with a gasp. 

"Do you want me to put on your tie or not?" She whines. "Yes." I say. "Ok then stop complaining." She says. 

She stands in front of me, trying to put on my tie. We stand so close that I can feel her breathing. She finishes and tightens it. She doens't take her hands of it but looks at me. We look into eachother's eyes as if we were desprete; in need of something. And there I know we know were desprete for eachother. 

Our faces slowey get closer. I just want to crash my lips to her's but there's a feeling of regret inside of me. I know Jen feels the same because when the tip of our lips touch she them back. But that regret isn't strong enough because she crashes her lips to mine after. She slides her hands up my neck and wraps her arms around me. I embrace her and I don't let go.

Its been a while and Jen still doesn't let go. Nor, do I. She takes a hold of my collar and holds it tight. She leads me to my bed and we fall hard.  Were not stoped by anything. She unbuttons my shirt and a huge sensation runs to my entire body when I feel her hands touch my skin. 

My heart is beating fast. I'm shaking so bad but, it doesn't bother Jen. I don't think anything can bother us now. I love her so much. I can't belive I didn't take her back. I never want to let her go. I want her to be the first thing I see every morning. I love her.

Sadly a call from my phone had to cut us off. "It's ok let's just ignore it." I say between my breaths. I'm breathing hard. "Maybe its Lydia." She says. Lydia gives me a call everyday since I came here to give me news about Andre.

I lay my head back down. Jen gets off of me and reaches for my phone. I don't really mind if she looks at my phone. I got nothing to hide. She stays there for a while with the phone in her ear. I frown and go closer to her. I hug her from behind but she's still. 

"Is everything alright?" I ask her. She doesn't answer. She gets up feircely. "Jen?" I ask confused. I get up and walk up to her. "What is wrong with you? Using me like this? And you call me the liar?" I scowls at me. "What?" I say. 

"Don't act like the victom! You are with Claudia and your here with me?" She says. "What the hell are you talking about?" I say. Where she get that? "And you have the nerve to tell me I am the liar! Oh, what ever happened to 'I'm in to much pain' shit!" She yells. 

"It's not what you think? I was just going to get dinner with her. What ever you thought you hear-" she cuts me of, "cut the shit Josh!" 

"Was I like your warmp up or something before you hook up with her!" She yells. "No! Jen I love you! And I am hurting! You know why? Because I'm here suffuring over Andre and you had the nerve to cheat on me! Remember that! And after our break up, which made me feel worse by the way, you go to Nicholas!" I yell at her. I am the victim here. She was the one who started all this. 

She begins to cry. "I needed someone to Josh! You arn't the only one who's hurting you know! Andre is my friend too! Nicholas was the only one who came to me! Where were you?" She says. That comes deep. 

"I was too busy feeling pain. One, from Andre, who's like my brother, having a coma and second, seeing the woman I love kissing someone else at the same time! It was too much. I can't be there all the time. I was the one who needed you. You needed to be there for me! But you were to busy looking after yourself." That's right I said all that. She grunts of anger. 

"I told you already, I didn't mean that to happen!" She yells. I calm down. I raise my hand to my forehead. I'm going to get a headhache after this. I sigh. I was angry at her. Not any more. I feel free from anger. I just needed to say all that. I don't feel anger anymore. 

I look at Jen. "I''m sorry." I say. "No," she says. I walk to her. "Jen please." I say. She pushes me away. That hurts me. I can't cry. "Jen," I whisper. "No," she whispers. back. She pushes me out of the way and grabs her stuff. Right when she's at the door she says something to me that I would never forget. "I am with Nicholas. And I should have been this whole time." 

That's when I start to cry. And the door shuts close. I check my phone. It was a voice mail and listen to what Jen heard. It was from Claudia.

"Hey honey is there anyway you can come and pick me up a little earlier. And then afterwards I can give you something special. Love you." That's all the voicemail says.

I throw my phone across the room from anger. I sit down on the side of the bed. My elbows dig into my legs and my face burried into my hands. My tie is all mess up. I rip it off my neck and throw it.

Jennifer's POV

I can't believe what I just said. I didn't mean it. I was just mad. I just got so mad when I heard her voice. I didn't mean it. I need to apologize to Josh. I can't. so doubt he forgive me. This is all my fault. The second time. Ugh!

How am I going to break up with Nick. I do but in a way I don't. I can't. I got my self stuck in a huge problem and I need to get myself out of it smoothly.

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