It's Just That - Jungkook & SinB

Author's Note #6

i'm sorry that i keep writing y'all so many author's note recently. i just need to let it all out. i had to and i hope you guys understand.

so in this note, i'll be talking about a "wake-up call" that i've experienced- the sudden moment of realisation that i had. what did i realise, you may ask? well,

i realise that i've been writing this wrongly.

sure, i was straight-forward about all the things that happened to me, i was telling the truth about everything. but, i was being too opened. i gave y'all too much information. and i wonder, what if my friends read this? what if they read about their part which, who knows, may be offensive to them. i mean, i won't risk the friendship that i have with them. i don't want them to break our friendship just because of something that i write about us. 

i noticed that in one of the chapter, the umji one, i may went too far. and i even talked about it in the previous author's note right? if i think about it- and consider it again, i was being too much. writing about my friend who talked behind me, makes me just like her. so like, it's no shit that i'm also like her, it doesn't make any difference. i am as horrible as she was.

okay now, wait. let me be honest, since i've always been honest with y'all.

my friends already did actually read this.

and how did they find out? well, we all couldn't think of anyone rather than jungkook himself.

yup, he told his friends- who are also my friends. and the reason why umji has been acting differently towards me like i've mentioned in the last note, it's because of this. and not just her but there are also two others that i won't mention, but, they're both are also affected. even one of them called me... and that person was actually the one who give me the wake-up call. and i thank them for that.

so yes, they've read it. but the problem is, they don't like it. they complain about everything that i've wrote, that i've told you guys. umji didn't want to talk to me for days because she doesn't like how she sounds in this story. they said "i revealed too much" about them.

but here's the thing.

this is my story. it's my decision to tell which part- just some, or all of them. and i've decided to tell everything and be honest. why? because i have no one to talk about this in real life. and this is one of my ways to not torture myself with all the feelings i have. my friends are always with me and they know the story, and the actual whole of this story is about me and my own friend, so it's obvious i can't talk to them about this. my parents? they don't want to know about the dramas that i've been thru. they're already old and i don't want to let them down because i'm such a disappointment for them. my other relatives? they got better things to know than everything that has happened to me. and wattpad offered me a solution, to let it all out. not just to improve my writing skill, but to not kill myself. this is my way to stay alive.

and i gotta admit. at some parts, i was being too much. but i have my reason.

each chapter is made 5-7 months after it happened. while, i have memory problems and whenever i'm writing, i don't remember the whole thing. and it's not like that i have a time machine that can take me back in time and see then write exactly what happened. if i forget, i decided to edit it, to improve it. i actually have no choice. so when a friend complained about the part where they were in, i can't say anything but too admit my forgetfulness.

one point that i have to bring out. i'm not trying to make my friends look bad just like what i've written or what y'all might've thought about them. i never mean to hurt them, and i also don't mean to hurt myself.

so, umji. if you're reading this, i wanna tell you something.

i won't edit my previous note or any of the chapters that you're in.

this is my story. i'm not gonna change what i've written. and i'm sorry if it hurts you but it's the TRUTH. i've promised myself to let it all go.

i am aware that the whole world's reading this. but this is my story, not yours. they're not gonna chase after you and kill you. you are a part of this, but it's not all about you. and to make you satisfied, i'm not gonna mention you ever again. how about that? starting from now, there won't be any umji in this story. let's all consider she's never here before. 

plus, no one asks you to read this. yeah, sure, i'm a horrible person to expose you like this and talk about you behind your back, but i'm just telling my story here. i'm just pointing out what happened to me, and you happened to be a part of it. but really, you can't tell me around to erase your part. you're part really affected me, umji. what you did affects me. but remember, you're not the only person who does that, talking about people behind their back, everyone does it. even me, obviously. you may thought that i did worse since i told you to the whole world, but they don't know who we are. but you. you told me to those who knows us, especially me. those who we know could do something to me, just because of what you told them. but the whole world wouldn't come after you because of something that you did to me. their not gonna fly all the way here to kill you and pin you down.

i really hope you're reading this, umji.

and jungkook. if you're reading this, i just want to let you know one thing. i hate you, for everything.

thanks for reading guys! hope you guys have great days to look forward to~