It's Just That - Jungkook & SinB

Author's Note #7

hello, everyone! it's almost been a month since i last posted the past chapter, isn't it? i'm incredibly sorry for the hiatus, it's honestly just been... tough, for me. and this will be filled with my rants so, if you don't have any plans and don't mind wasting your time, grab some popcorn and get cozy, bc i'm doing it rn.

i'm gonna start off with a wish of happy (belated) eid mubarak for those of you, my fellow muslims, who celebrates! for those of you that maybe aren't aware of what it means, this is a very special holiday (after the fasting month ended) where we ask and receive apologies for/from people in our lives. and since you guys are a part of my life, i want to say sorry for all the mistakes, misunderstandings, and just all the unintentional things that i've said or show in this book. i also feel bad for giving you rants and multiple author's note in a very short time, rather than giving more chapters. but, i hope you understand the situation i'm putting myself in. i really appreciate those of you who have supported me all the way, tysm!

okay now, to the moment we all might be waiting for.

i'm finally moving school.

i don't remember if i've already told you about it, bc i feel like i did. but i'm not sure. i do remember that i've already made the draft but i don't remember if i've published it. okay, the point is that, i finally decided to "run away".

ever since i started living my days in now my ex-school, i really enjoyed it. the orientation week was a whole lo of fun as it's filled with joyous and unforgettable memories. i met a lot of people i called friends and i felt so... blessed. but right after the whole jungkook thing, where it becomes the main point of this book, i'm so done with myself. and not just bc of him- well, it's actually not bc of anybody but me. it's just my way of seeing people, and what i put in mind. and at the time, i set it negatively as i thought now that everyone at school knew about the problem, they will hate me. even my friends made speculations and perceptions that are just disappointing. and that's where i decided to disconnect myself from them- unattached myself.

i was never good at following or keeping a conversation, so it was hard for me to enjoy being in my group of friends. i could've just try and stay with them, but as much as i wanna do that, i can't do it. i don't know most of their conversations so i'd always stay silent. ever since then, i made myself the loneliest person.

but i'm not exactly alone.

i still have friends. best friends. there's only a few of them but quantity doesn't matter. so ever since i look lonely, according to my friends, i've stayed with my best friends. i hung out and spent all the time that i had with them. and all three of my besties weren't in the same class as i was, so i was an actual loner in my classroom. i did try to talk and linked myself to another group of classmates, and i don't feel like i'm using them as a runaway, that was actually the chance for me to get to know them and learn more of their personality. i befriended them and i did learn a lot.

but then again, no matter what i thought- no matter what my purpose is, there'll always be people that disagree with me. it's natural for people to be like that, i understand. but i'd be lying if i'm not upset about it. many of my friends thought that i was trying to get attention so that people will felt pity for me. that, never crossed my mind. seriously. i'm just tired of people thinking with their so called "obvious negative assumptions", especially on things like this. just bc i don't play with them anymore and decided to get to know the others, doesn't mean that i'm trying to cause a feud. oh, and my friends thought that i'm telling bad stuff about them to the others. just bc i played with someone else, doesn't mean that i'm using them. i've always wanted to explain all this to them, but i know it'll be pointless. so as long as God and i know knows the truth, it's fine. and about 2 months ago, a friend that i used to be close with shared her thoughts to me, she said i've build an army (which is you guys) to "sabotaged" her and my other friends that are involved in the story. she said it bc apparently i wrote a small line about her, and it happened to be not her good quality and yes, she was fully denying it. she said what i wrote are lies and that i was trying to get people to attack her, but no.

it's just really really complicated. i'm trying to get over it, even tho it's hard, i'm still trying.

but the worst part is that handling the nervousness that i'm feeling rn. just by thinking about the new school that i'm going to brings back my anxiety. but maybe i won't be as nervous as most transferred kids since my best friend and childhood friend are there. my best friend was also a transferred student not long ago. she moved to the new school at the mid semester due to some personal reasons. 

which reminds me. when my parents finally allowed me to inform people about my departure, i had to come up with a good reason- which will definitely not be the real reason. me and my parents decided that we'd tell them that it's bc of time and distance, like, i'm tired of going to/from school for an hour and get home to sleep instead of studying. and i'm not exactly lying tho, i do feel that way. so i remember on the parents-teachers conference day- which was my last day in the school- i came to the teachers lounge to bid my goodbye. i was accompanied by one of my best friend at the time. i really took my time well that day.

so, y'all know the real reason why i left, right? well i hope you do bc i don't really want to talk about anymore.

and after all this rants, i want to make an important announcement.

as you may've noticed from the way i'm typing and the emotions i put in and also the things i've been thru, you could tell that i'm putting this story to an end.

i've never mentioned jungkook anymore, right? yeah, it's bc i never contact him again ever since my last day. actually, neither of my friends too, not just him. i don't hat to say this but you might be, bc i'm over jungkook. i can officially confirm, that i'm moving on from the jeon jungkook in my life. the one that used to be the biggest part of this whole story. the one who said that he appreciates to be a part of my story, which is literally my life. the one, who might be the person to let everyone knows about this story, even to those who have nothing to do with all this.

lastly, if this is actually my mistake- if i am the one at fault- i want to apologise. but this is my story, and i'm not going to tell you again after this, but i made things up whenever i forget the whole story. just bc i said that this is a real-life experience, doesn't mean that i'm going to be very truthful about it. i also wanted to show my writer side, to exaggerate and modify scenarios. that's all i've ever wanted, what i thought of, and my purpose ever since i started writing the first chapter. just please, i hope you understand.

all right. i think i've said it all. besides, it's already 1345 words now. i don't want to frustrate y'all like i do now. if you're asking, yes, my depression is back. and it's in the worst timing bc this is supposed to be a nice long holiday. but instead i spent it by locking myself in the room all day and crying. well, there are times where i was happy. i hung out a lot with each of my cousins and my besties since junior high, so that help the problem. so i guess in order for me to get over my bad self is to surround myself with those who i cherished the most.

so i hope if there's any of y'all that have the same situation like i do, immediately find a way to get over what brings you down- your weakness. we all have our own unique and different ways to handle a problem, and what i've told you above is my way. also, by making this book really helps me too. since i can't talk to my parents about the illness i'm having and only my psychiatrist know about it, writing is my getaway. i always feel a lot better after writing, i always do. once again, if you haven't already found a solution for yourself, get them right away. don't let yourself suffer to long, promise me that. most importantly, don't end up like me, who doesn't even have any idea what and how to cure her own illness.

that's it. thanks for reading, guys! i'm sorry for all the promises that i can keep, especially where i said that i have more time to write and will be posting more. i do have more time, but since this depression is a lot bigger and worst than i thought i'd be, i'm not ready to write. like, sometimes it feels too much, to write it all down and share with the whole world.

but please remember this: i love y'all so much! more than strangers but not as much as your parents bc they obviously have bigger love for y'all. and a special thanks to those who has been with me since the first crappy chapter hehe oh- anD THANKS FOR 9K READERS!!! i'm glad many of y'all discovered my story and gave me heartwarming compliments. 

an endless thank you for each and every one of you <3