It's Just That - Jungkook & SinB

Inner Struggle

"It takes no sane mind to make a wise man."

I've heard this numerous times and I still don't know where I found it, and how it's even stuck in my head. I can't believe I'm finally going crazy.

"Um... I- I'm not sure. I don't know how to handle it." I said to the woman in front of me.

She stared at me, her eyes were sharp as she looked through me behind those glasses. "How many do you have?" she asked me as she scribbled the notepad on her hand.

I let out a small sigh. Just by thinking about how many these people that are living inside me makes me dizzy.

"There are... 6.. there are 6 of them."

The psychiatrist was kinda taken aback because she slouched a bit. It didn't take long for her to sat back straight and tapped her pen.

"Here's the thing, SinB," she spoke out, "you're case is... very rare. I-I've never heard someone who has so many of them. So, you're going to be my first hard "case"- if I have to put a term to it." I wasn't sure on how to respond, I couldn't tell if she's actually excited or flustered. I'm still figuring out what to say when she spoke again.

"And not to mention... you're only 19, both of your parents doesn't know about your condition, and you're using your own money to ask for a psychiatrists help. Right?"

I was even more speechless.

"Yes... yes, that's right."

She let out a huge sigh while lightly massaged her forehead. "Oh, wow..." she chuckled all of a sudden. What's so funny?

"For a teenage girl, you really got guts." I'm confused, "You know this is a big problem, don't you?" Uh... I guess so? Is this a compliment?

Then, it's complete silence. None of us said a word after that. She was writing some things down while I laid back on the chair, still struggling to figure out what she meant. I can't even understand myself, so how am I suppose to understand others?

"You need a rest. You've been thinking too hard." she finally said, "go home and come back tomorrow."

"Wh-why?" Am I supposed to be confused all the time?

"It's already dusk, SinB. You don't want your parents to know, right? Play safe, go home, now." I get really taken aback by all the words that came out from her mouth. It took me a long time to figure it all one by one before I stood up. "Alright..." I reached out for my satchel as I made my way out and thanked her, closing the door behind me.

the next day...

I came back to the psychiatrist as I've promised her. The 9 o'clock appointment was easier to be made since my parents were out of town.

"Okay, let's give them names."

"Huh?"

I did say it's easier to be made, but I didn't say I'm a morning person, right?

"Give your personalities a name." she clarified. The psychiatrist was walking around the room, which was not like yesterday, where she just sat on her armchair.

"Oh... Oh. Okay." I let that words out right after I absorbed the news.

The psychiatrist then went to her desk. She opened one of the drawers and pulled out her notepad. "So..." she turned the pages with that satisfying sound where the papers brushed on each other, "you're personalities... they are all based on every humans bad traits."

My brain didn't work properly that morning. It never did.

"What?"

As I expected, she let out a new sigh of the day. "I'm just going to offer you what I have in mind." she tapped her index finger, pointing to some words on the notepad, "let's se- oh, before that. Do you remember what are they like?"

"Do you expect me to name them all?" Well, looks like I'm slowly waking up, apparently.

"Yes."

"Hmm... there are dishonest, greedy, close-minded, passive aggressive, pessimistic, and inconsiderate."

Wow, I can't believe I can actually said it all without thinking.

"Good. Now, you do realise that... this all is just another person inside you?" she said. Great, now I'm more confused than ever. "I'm sorry, what?"

She sat down and crossed her legs, looking at me with an unexplainable face.

"This is just one person living inside you, SinB."

I decided to listen to her. I won't speak after I actually understand. I really really need a full explanation on this.

"You see," she started as she scooted to the edge of her seat, "you're not the only one who has a someone else living inside them. You're not the only one in the world."

She gets the sign that I decided to only open my ears, so after looking at me, she continued.

"You get this a lot, 'nobody's perfect', am I right? Everybody has their own flaws- traits, so it's impossible to have pure, innocent people in this world. No matter how generous a man is, they always have a demon to imperfect them. But we still have the control, an option- a choice, to not let ourselves be driven by it. So, I'm asking you, what do you choose?"

This. This is where I experienced the greatest wake-up call ever. Where have I been thinking?

"Of course I want to be able to control myself."

"Then, that demon shouldn't be inside you."

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please read the author's note! <3