Lifesaver »» l.p {AU} (Discontinued)

Plans Get Changed

**Chapter 05**

I woke up this morning feeling pumped and full of energy, even though I barely slept last night. I guess I was so excited for today that I couldn't sleep. I couldn't wait to go to the fair with my friends and have some much needed fun.

I picked up my phone to check the time. It was about 10 o'clock. I still had plenty of time to get ready. I lazily got up and went into the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror, "God, I look so sexy right now." I smiled, sarcasm clear in my voice. I pulled the hair tie out of my hair, letting my hair fall over my shoulders. My eyes traveled down my arms and landed on the purple scars again, making my good mood and smile disappear into thin air. I closed my eyes slowly to take my eyes off the scars, breathing deeply.

All of the memories came flooding back after being kept down for so long. The little voice inside my head popped in, helping bring back the old memories, "You were a mistake," the voice spat. I watched myself in the mirror, tears welding up in my eyes. "You're never good enough," it hissed. I let the tears fall down my face. "Everything was your fault. Everything," it whispered, as if saying those words would lead to my downfall, and they did. I walked quickly out of the bathroom and to my vanity, where I hid a small razor blade underneath my jewelry box. I brought the blade to the bathroom sink; I couldn't hold this feeling down any longer.

I placed the sharp corner of the blade to my arm, "I am a mistake," I said and pressed down on the blade, dragging it across my skin. I winched at the pain, watching as the red liquid spilled from my arm. The pain soon turned into a release. I felt all my emotions leave me as my blood slid down my arm into the sink. Tears fell uncontrollably down my cheeks, "I am never good enough," I said and made another cut on my arm. "Everything is my fault." I said and made one more mark on my skin. I dropped the blade in the sink, looking at the blood everywhere and how it dripped down into the sink. I looked back in the mirror, not recognizing the girl I was in that moment.

I sighed, feeling defeated after giving in. I backed up against the wall and slid down to the floor, holding my arm in my grasp. I cried uncontrollably, and I couldn't make it stop. It didn't make me feel any better about myself. It made me feel worse. I was doing so well, but now I just messed all of that up. I shook away all the thoughts, and stood up from the floor. I grabbed a few dark colored towels and tried to cleaned up the mess I made. After I was done, I decided to take a shower before I got ready to go. Most of the time taking a shower made me feel better.   

The warm water cascaded down my back and it felt amazing. All the stress and emotions of the week, and from this morning, were washed away down the drain. I was really careful when washing over my arm. The warm soapy water stung each cut. I washed my hair, body, and face. I shaved a little bit, and I was done in about twenty minutes.

When I got out, I wrapped a towel around my wet body, and went back into my room. I walked over to my dresser, "What to wear. What to wear." I said to myself as I scanned my dresser for a cute but casual outfit.

I decided on a white tank top underneath a pink see-through shirt with dark blue jean shorts. I threw on a clean bra and pair of panties, then I got dressed in my outfit. I walked over to my vanity and put on some gold earrings, and pink and gold bracelets to match. (**Outfit to the side**) Before I put the bracelets on, I went back into the bathroom to grab a few band-aids to help cover my cuts. It really hurt to try and put them on, but I had to cover them some how. I didn't want anyone to notice them or for them to get infected.

I walked back into my room and I blew dried my hair and lightly curled it. I put on mascara and some eyeliner to complete my look. I went over to my closet and picked out my pink strapped sandals and threw them on. While I was in the closet, I also grabbed a light spring coat, hoping to hide my cuts. I doubt Niall will buy this because it's like 80 degrees outside, but there's always some hope that he will. I set the coat on my bed post, and checked the time again.