Prologue

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Lifesaver》

"Do you remember what happened, Julina?" Dr. Gil asked me. Dr. Gil seemed like a sweet older lady, with her short, curly hair pulled back to give her more of a professional look. Her grey hairs were becoming more evident as well as the deep lines outlining her face. She even smelt like a sweet older lady. I would really like her, but  she keeps asking me all kinds of questions about that day.

I sat there, trying to do everything just to avoid that horrid question. Do I remember? Do I remember every detail of that day? Of course I do. How can you forget something like that? You just can't. I've tried to forget; sweep it under the rug and go on with life like it never happened, but it just doesn't work that way.

I looked around her office, finding it hasn't changed since the last time I was here. Her office was a classic therapist's office like the ones you see on TV. I remember asking her about it one day, again, trying to get away from the questions she was asking me. She told me she always pictured her office like the ones on TV. She liked the power her office gave her, like she had the power to change so many peoples lives for the better. I remember the gentle smile appearing on her face, making the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes more noticeable as she mentioned how much she loved her job.

I never understood how this job could bring her so much joy. How could you sit there and listen to so many people's sad stories and issues everyday? I asked her that too, and she told me that a lot of their stories were sad and heartbreaking, but she found joy in helping those people get through their problems. A lot of her old clients would come back to her and thank her for helping them through their darkest times. That was the real heart-warming part of her job. She told me that maybe one day, I'll do the same thing, but I was opposed to the idea. I still am. I don't think I'll ever get passed this.

"Julina, you know we have to talk about this eventually right?" she pressed gently.

I huffed, my arms crossed over my chest as I slouched in the small leather chair, "We don't have to talk about that." I muttered. I could feel the lump forming in my throat as I tried to keep those memories back. The more questions she asked, the more the memories tried to spill. It was always a constant battle for me.

"Are you scared, Julina?" she asked, peering at me through her glasses.

I narrowed my eyes at her, confused by her question, "What do you mean?" I asked.

She paused for a moment, taking her glasses off and folded them up, holding them in her hands, "I can sense that these memories are very scary for you. You try not to think about them, and in doing that, you're only hurting yourself. You have to let go, Julina. Do you want to see some positive progress?" she asked.

I nodded, "Of course I do! I want to get better. I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life." I said, harsher than I really expected.

She nodded lightly, "After sitting and listening to you talk these last few months, I've come up with this option to help better your progress. Letting your memories surface and facing them is, in my opinion, one of the best ways for you to overcome these painful obstacles in your life. The more comfortable you become with your past, the easier it will be for you to handle and grow accustom to it," she said pausing for a moment. "You are in a very safe, warm, and non-judgmental place. Your memories are just that, memories. They are not in any way, shape, or form real. You just have to always remember that. Are you ready to face your memories, Julina?"

I nodded, sitting up in the leather chair and placing my hands in my lap. Dr. Gil handed me a box of tissues, knowing I was going to cry at some point. I gave her a small smile and placed them on the arm of the chair. I looked down at my hands and thought about every detail of those few years, and every thought I had. I thought of his eyes. The way those once trusting eyes peered into mine as he violated me.

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