Aster
It's been a month and I have been slowly progressing with my physical therapy. Josh reintroduced me to Tyler and Jenna and they're allowed to visit more often not that the doctors say I'm in a "more stable state of mind." But at least they get to visit because they're both so sweet and I'm glad Josh had them to support him through life.
Currently it was sometime in the morning after my physical therapy for the morning. The nurses woke me up at 6 am everyday and it was rough, but Josh was always there even though he was not a morning person at all. We sat in my bed drinking crappy hospital coffee as Josh searched for nothing in particular through the limited channels on the tv.
I rested my head on his shoulder as he continued to click through channels. I focused on the feeling of the warmth from the coffee seeping into my fingertips, trying to visualize the dark liquid in a styrofoam cup from memory. Then I listened to Josh's breathing, slow and steady, contrasting the quick clicking noises coming from the tv remote. I tried my best to picture his features focusing on the full tv in front of him with all my might, but no matter how hard I strained my brain, I couldn't remember him.
Nurses that have come to check up on me regularly have asked me how I could trust somebody so much even though I don't remember them, much less see them. I could never form coherent thoughts to answer them. It's hard to explain, when I'm with Josh I feel safe, I feel warm, I feel brightened. Thinking about it now, Josh is kind of like my sun in my dark world.
The sun.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked, breaking me from my thoughts.
"Nothing and everything all at once." I answered, noticing he had given up on trying to find something entertaining for him to watch. The tv was still on, what I was assuming was a kids channel, and was quietly playing a familiar tune in the background.
"What are you watching?" I asked, feeling unusually overwhelmed.
"Uh, I'm not sure, some kids show?" He answered in more of a question.
You are my sunshine,
"Are you alright?"
My only sunshine.
"Yeah, sorry just thinking."
You make me happy
"Are you sure I shouldn't go call a nurse? You look really pale."
When skies are grey.
"No, I'm okay. I'm just-"
You'll never know dear
"Aster?"
How much I love you.
"Aster? Are you okay? You're shaking, oh my god."
So please don't take
my sunshine
away.
