Aster
I threw my head back on the couch listening to the clicking of the buttons on the tv remote as Josh was channel surfing with his head in my lap. I ran my fingers through his soft hair as I picked up a few words from the tv before the channel was changed.
"Josh?"
"Hm?" He hummed lazily as he rhythmically tapped the buttons on the remote.
"Have you ever thought of having kids?" I asked bluntly.
A click of the remote and the sounds of the tv were muted as Josh shifted in my lap. "Where did this come from?"
I shrugged, "I'm just thinking about life."
"You think too much, just relax." He hushed.
"It's kind of hard to not think when it's all you can do when you're blind." I frowned.
"It not permanent Aster."
"Yeah, but what if it is?" I defied.
"Then I told you we'd work through it and adjust." He repeated.
"You can't just pretend that this doesn't fucking bother you!" I yelled now getting fed up. "You say you're fine with me but it's not okay! I'm a second hand lover who can't even see the one she's in love with and you deserve so much better!"
"Baby," He sat up and reached for my hand that I quickly pulled away.
"Don't 'baby' me! We can't just not talk about this! I'm a disgrace to society, I'm not normal and you don't deserve trash! You deserve the best and that's not me."
"For fucks sake Aster, I'm in love with you and nothing is going to change that!"
"But you shouldn't be, you should be touring the world with your best friend and find someone normal to love!" I choked.
"I don't want normal! I want you! If I didn't I wouldn't still be here." He yelled back as he stood from the couch and went somewhere else.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I need to take care of some things." He answered coldly.
"You're just going to leave in the middle of a conversation?" I threw my hands up.
He let out a sigh and avoided answering the question. "I'll be back later."
"Whatever Josh." I grumbled as he shut the door behind him. I wiped away the tears that had fallen from my eyes and filled with rage. He just left in the middle of a fucking conversation! I stood up and stumbled around blindly until I eventually found my way to the bedroom and hid myself under the covers.
He doesn't love me anymore, that's why he left. He's tired of taking care of me. He's going to find someone he deserves. Thoughts of what Josh could be doing right now bounced around in my head. Even when I was angry with him I couldn't stop thinking about him. So I forced myself to go to sleep angry and upset in attempts to free myself from my loud mind.
whoops, not all relationships are perfect :,)
