Dear Richie

Decisions, Decisions

June 2nd Age: 16

Dear Richie,

I never thought I'd write you another letter... especially after the last two that specifically stated how I wouldn't, but life is full of surprises, I've learned.

This may not be my last letter to you (I'm not making that sort of promise again), but this is the one letter that I am sure to deliver.

This is the letter that confesses everything.

I want you to know that I've always admired you. When I first met you, I was a crazy, love-sick fourteen-year-old. I didn't even know what love was at the time. I just thought you were a nice guy, and you were funny, and you actually liked me!

I mean, maybe not like I had hoped, but still- you actually liked to talk to me, you actually liked all of my corny jokes, you actually liked being around me. That's all it took really.

Well, that and us bumping into each other in the hall my first day of high school.

I've always felt like a burden to most people, especially as I went throughout high school. I felt so useless, so insignificant. So lifeless.

The world had a problem with me- it didn't take a genius to figure that out- so that's how I viewed myself: a problem.

I thought I had myself all figured out too (see what I did there?) when I started dating Eathan. I mean, I should've known that he wouldn't have actually fallen for me, but I was so caught up in the moment, I guess.

But it wasn't real- he wasn't the answer I was looking for.

I hope that you can see where this is going.

I also thought that I had found myself in Melanie and Annie, but neither of them lasted long.

I even ended up losing you, remember?

I thought that all of these relationships had taught me that nothing truly lasts forever, that things will always come but they always go.

Well, now I've learned that it's more of a boomerang effect. If they are meant to stay, they always come back.

Which is what you did, Chris. I thought I had lost you forever, just like my other friends.

But at the last moment, you came back to me. You made me whole again. You gave me a reason to live, beyond explanation.

The thing is, though, that I'm afraid of losing you. I've already had you hate me for all the wrong reasons- I don't want you to hate me for all the right ones either.

I don't think I could go through another year like that.

You are everything I've ever needed. I hope you come to understand that. You are so kind to me and I just have to ask: why? Why have you been so kind to me? Why don't you treat me like everyone else does? What do you see in me?