Forgetting Roman

{fifty}

{fifty}

                Finals came and the end of classes went. Declan came back but any sort of communication between the two of us was void. He had told Livvy he needed time and said he’d find me when he was ready. Apparently, what I said had brought up some past situations for him and he needed time to get things sorted.

Livvy wouldn’t say much after that but I knew she knew what he was talking about.

As promised weeks ago, Parker was going to pick me up for the Christmas and New Year’s Holidays. Having packed up everything I would need, I sat on the bench in front of my dorm and waited for my ride. As always, Parker was running late but I didn’t mind much. It gave me enough time for a smoke.

                Most of the residents in my dorm building were already gone for the holidays. Livvy hadn’t left yet as she was doing some last minute Christmas shopping before she left for her home. Flicking on my blue BIC lighter, I took a drag from my lit cigarette and inhaled.

                It was around noon but the sun was nowhere to be seen. The cold December winds picked up and sent my newly dyed red hair flying back. I felt goose bumps travel over my body and I cursed not having put on a thicker jacket.

                Across the parking lot a group was walking, all three of which looked familiar. Jessica, Jesse and Declan laughed as they walked towards the building. My guess was that Jessica needed to finish packing or pick up something. Jesse had his arm wrapped around his sisters shoulder while Declan walked alongside with his hands stuffed into his hoodie pockets.

                He looked tired.

                “Hey Aspen.” Jessica greeted with a smile. “I haven’t seen you in, like, forever!”

                I gave her a small smile as all three of them approached, “Hey Jess. Yeah, I’ve been busy.” I replied before I turned my attention towards her twin brother and Declan. “Hey Jesse.”

                Jesse smiled, “Sup Red. I like the new hair color.”

                Running a hand through my hair I smiled, “Thanks.”

                “Hey Jesse, I could use your help getting my bags down.” Jessica said after a few seconds of silence. Declan and I had locked eyesight and in that moment things got sort of awkward. Jessica and Jesse could probably tell.

                “Yeah,” Jesse said before he and his twin jogged into the building leaving Declan and I alone.

                “Hey,” was all I could muster.

                “Hey,” he replied shifting from foot to foot.

                What were we supposed to say now? What was there to say?

                “I still need more time,” Declan blurted out. “I just… everything you told me was a lot to take in.”

                I nodded and stuffed my hands into my jacket pockets, “I know… I understand.”

                Declan nodded and turned to leave but I stood up and called his name, “Wait. T-there’s something I have to say.”

                Slowly turning to face me, Declan waited for me to continue.

                “I get that you need time but I just… I need to know where we stand.” I told him. “You need time. I get that but how much? It’s been two weeks Declan.”

                “Aspen,” Declan began but I shook my head and cut him off.

                “No. Just tell me what the hell you want Declan. It’s been two weeks and half of that you were gone.”

                “I know!” he snapped. “I know it’s been two weeks, alright? I know.”

                “Stop saying you know! You don’t! You have no idea what you walking away did to me.”

                “It reminded you of that Roman guy didn’t it?” Declan said looking down at me with tired and dull eyes. “You know, I’m not the only one who needs to sort things out during this break, Aspen.” He continued. “You do as well.”

                I dryly laughed, “And what do I need to work on, Declan?” I asked him.

                “Forgetting Roman,” he replied. “Because from what I gathered from what you told me he’s linked to the dark parts of you and if he’s still around, you’ll never be the person you wish to be.”