cupid paints blindly {book 2}

26

Jared's POV - 6:30 a.m., Saturday, April 2nd, 2017, Year 1.

          After reading the journal a few times, I honestly had no idea on what to think from her. Or of her, more specifically. I was starting to feel nauseous and slightly worn after each page, which piled up into mass confusion as I dove deeper. For once in what seemed like forever, I did not feel agitated by her. Moreover on the line of curiosity with each time I reread the fine white pages. I began to feel sick from straining what little coding that could've been intricately placed in this book. She had to have been lying about it; of course, but could there possibly be any hidden meaning to her tales that I could possibly be missing? It wouldn't make sense for her to right such self-piteous lies into an inconspicuous looking journal unless she was trying to buy someone's sympathy. It was just the type of person she was-

Oh please Jared, it was one thing to be annoyed and angry at her but now you're making her out to be more villainous than Lily.

I...I...

Just shut up for once and think. She hasn't done anything wrong to you. For Christ's sake, you don't even have your memories about her yet so how can you even judge her?

Why should I listen to you? Just a month or so ago, we were both on the same page about her. We both hated her. Why are you switching sides, here?

Think of our progression with the memory pills, Jared. Why would we begin to feel this way for no reason? The answer is, we wouldn't. The pills have been affecting us in the way we view things, yet these views were the ones you had before the memory epidemic! So this newfound feeling of possible respect towards her isn't necessarily an awful thing.

But...I bought into Lily's kindness too fast as well and the memories I had of her were nothing but good and look where that got me!

That doctor guy mentioned that you could've possibly confused her for someone else similar to her in your past. As with many other possible people you could have confused.

So you're implying that my memories of Lily or feelings for her might've been...for Margot?

Yes.

So you think she's my...lover?

Yes.

That-that isn't right. It can't be. Not her. She may have pined after me, but I sure as hell don't love Margot. It doesn't add up.

Does it have to?

In this circumstance, yes! I need the right, most understandable answers or I'll never get cured! It can't be Margot because she doesn't fit into this. She's a married woman. How would I let myself fall for a married woman who would have no chance with me whatsoever?

Only time will tell, Jared. I am only your inner conscience so I only know as much as you right now.

Yeah right. You know more than you are letting on.

Or maybe I'm just traveling with the stream instead of against it. You can't fight what's already being set into motion inside of you, Jared. I know we are both hurting, which is understandable. But you're being too arrogant to even listen to the signs since you're residing too much in the dark side.

...I won't believe it. Not this time. Not ever, maybe. Even if she did love me, she obviously didn't care enough about me to divorce her current husband or save me from whatever the hell that caused my memories to get wiped.

Be that way, Jared. But don't come crying if it's too late for you and her.

I won't. And I finally understand why you truly wanted me to pick up that journal in the first place.