Heal Me|JungkookxBTS

,19

Jungkook pov
Pill after pill after pill. The more pills I take the less pain I feel. I'm only supposed to take one pill a day but my hyungs are terrible at hiding things. Two pills make me happy. Three pills make me numb and four pills make me feel dead. My hyungs think I'm getting better but I'm actually getting worse.

"How are you today Jungkook?" Eunha, my new therapist, asked. She was probably in her early thirties and looked average, nothing special about her. "I'm wonderful," I responded in a deadpan voice. Eunha smiled like she always does and wrote down my answer on her notepad. All these therapists are the same, they don't care about me, they just care about money.

"How are things with your hyungs?" Eunha asked and the question made my eyes burn. I wanted to tell her about Yoongi and how he's been avoiding me ever since I had that nightmare. I wanted to cry and ask Eunha what I did wrong and how I can fix it. But I won't, because Yoongi doesn't love me and I can't change that. No one would love someone like me anyway.

"Things have been good, my hyungs are great," I lied, maybe I'm a pathological liar. Eunha smiled again and was about to ask another question but the timer beeped, letting her know our session was over. "Well that's it for today, see you tomorrow Jungkook." Eunha stood up with me and walked me to the door like she always did. "Bye," I mumbled before escaping the stuffy office. I froze when Yoongi's cold eyes met mine, what is he doing here. "Where's Hoseok?" I asked and tried to put as much space between us as possible. Yoongi remained emotionless as he stalked towards me. There was an emotion in his eyes hidden underneath the cold exterior, I just didn't know what it was. My back suddenly kissed the wall but Yoongi didn't stop until our chests were touching.

"H-hyung?" I whispered. Yoongi looked into my eyes and that's when I noticed the tears dusting his lashes. Why is Yoongi crying, it can't be over me. Yoongi hates me. Suddenly Yoongi's velvet lips smashed into mine in a bruising kiss that I didn't expect or want.

Psychically it wasn't hard to push Yoongi off of me, he was small and petite for a man, but it was hard emotionally. The hurt look on Yoongi's face was painful and I found myself wanting to collapse in his arms and submit to his every command. But I was mad, furious, because he can't just use me. Is that all I am to people? A sex toy? Something to use then throw away because they're sick of it. I'm a human fucking being! Not a toy!

"Why hyung?! Why did you ignore me for a week after we slept together!?" I shouted as I glared at my trembling hyung. Yoongi wiped at his tears and tried to pull me into a hug but I pushed him away, again. "Tell me why! Why Yoongi!" Tears were flowing down my cheeks and a burning lump was forming in my throat but I needed answers. Yoongi's eyes narrowed and the once vulnerable hyung disappeared. "It's hyung you brat." He spat and the words felt like a knife to my heart. I don't think I even have a heart anymore. "I'm trying to apologize and you keep pushing me away!" Yoongi yelled and this time I was trembling. Because Yoongi looked furious and the way he was clenching his fists scared me. Everything scares me.

"Apologize w-with w-ords!" I sobbed, the burning lump making it hard to speak. Yoongi groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "You know what, you should just forget everything that happened between us." Yoongi said and stared at me with cold heartless eyes. My knees buckled under the weight of Yoongi's words and my frail body ended up on the scratchy carpet of the hallway. "W-why Yoongi...I-I thought you loved m-e." I sounded pathetic, that's because I am.

Yoongi's upper lip twitched and he looked horrified. "You're sick Jungkook." He sneered before turning on his heels and storming down the hall. It took me a few seconds to register Yoongi's words but once I did it hurt more than anything Lee ever did to me. No amount of pills could numb this pain.

My momentary sadness suddenly turned into anger and as I watched Yoongi walk down the hallway all I saw was red. With heavy feet I ran down the hallway and shoved Yoongi's petite body onto the carpeted floor. Yoongi's knees hit the floor with a sickening thud and his palms skidded on the rough carpet. Before Yoongi could react I kicked his back and watched as his face collided with the floor.

"I loved you Yoongi!" I screamed as I sent another kick to his torso. A strangled cry escaped Yoongi's lips along with a muffled crack.

You broke his ribs.

I flinched at the echoing voice but the red hot anger that was boiling inside me stole my attention. Yoongi tried to stand up but I crawled on top of him, forcing him onto his back. The look on Yoongi's face was priceless and I wish I could've taken a picture.

Now he'll know how you felt.

"I'm not sick!" I screamed in Yoongi's face, my hands finding purchase on his thin wrists. With all my strength I pinned Yoongi's wrists next to his head and squeezed the delicate body part. Yoongi's face contorted in pain and a pathetic whimper escaped his lips. "S-stop kookie." Yoongi tried to move his wrists but he was weak and finally I was strong.

Kill him.

My head was throbbing with rage and painful tears were blurring my vision. "I hate you hyung! I hate all of you!" I sobbed, my own words muffled by the throbbing rage. "Jungkook you're scaring me! Please stop! I love you, I really do!" Yoongi cried. His wrists were a bright red mixed with splotches of purple and it reminded me of myself. Finally someone knows my pain.

Kill him.

"Stop lying," I whispered and let my tears drip onto Yoongi's chest. "I'm not lying," Yoongi argued, "I've always loved you."

He's lying. Everyone lies to you. Kill him Jungkook. FUCKING KILL HIM YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT!

"Shut up!" I growled at the cynical voice, my grip tightening on Yoongi's wrists unconsciously. "Someone help me! He's crazy!" Yoongi suddenly yelled and something inside me snapped. The last thread that's been holding me together finally snapped and at that moment nothing mattered. My hyungs didn't matter, Yoongi didn't matter, and the voice screaming inside my head didn't matter.

In one quick movement I moved my hands from Yoongi's bruised wrists to his pale neck. Instantly his screaming stopped and his eyes widened in terror. "K-kook!" He gasped, his nimble fingers scrambling to try and pry my hands off. His struggling was cute and it felt nice to see someone in my position for once. "Now you know how it feels to be helpless!" I sobbed. I could feel Yoongi's windpipe collapse underneath my grip and suddenly his nimble fingers stalled. His velvet lips parted but no sounds came out and his glassy eyes stared blankly at the ceiling.

"Hyung....Yoongi?"