Heal Me|JungkookxBTS

,7

Hoseok pov
I stared blankly at the sleeping boy, the white bedsheets swallowed him and his shaggy brownish black hair was the only prominent thing against all the white. Well, and his lips. Those bloody red lips were prominent against his porcelain skin, those lips used to hold a permanent smile. Now they're constantly pulled down into a bow, even in his sleep.

"Smile kookie ah, it'll make you feel better." I whispered to myself because I knew he couldn't hear me. Deep down I knew I was telling myself to smile, smile Hoseok it'll make you feel better. That's a lie and I'm a hypocrite.

My muscles tensed and my breath caught in my lungs as Jungkook shifted, his lashes fluttered against his pale cheeks and his eyebrows knitted together. It was kind of cute, in a fucked up way. He was probably having a nightmare for all I know, that's definitely not cute.

"Is he awake yet?" Namjoon asked from the doorway, his body hovering awkwardly in the frame. "No." I replied coldly, why would they give me the job of watching him? "Okay." Was all Namjoon said followed by the sound of heavy footsteps.

I looked back down at Jungkook and sighed, my eyes dropping to his bandaged hand lying limp on the blankets. I don't know why he freaked out over the cuts, there was barely any blood, yet he acted as if he was drowning in it. Suddenly Jungkook's therapist popped into my head along with a word I never wanted to hear.

Schizophrenia.

Could Jungkook have schizophrenia? No that's not possible, he's strong, his mind wouldn't allow that. I quickly dismissed the terrible thought and ran my fingers, gently, over his boney knuckles. The skin was pulled taunt over his bones, his entire body looked tense, stretched too far and waiting to snap. Will he snap one day? All of this is too much for one person to handle, for one person to be stretched so far, so thin. Jungkook is like a piece of paper waiting to be ripped in half, but he can't rip, I won't allow it.

I let my eyes follow the bandages, trailing them from Jungkook's palm all the way up to his mid-bicep. I don't want to know what's under those bandages, I don't want to know what Lee did too him. Ignorance is a bliss I'll happily indulge in.

I followed Jungkook's arm then his shoulder and stopped at his neck. His neck was littered with spots of blue, purple, red, and green. It looked like some fucked up artist splashed watercolor onto Jungkook's canvas white skin. Lee was that fucked up artist.

I tore my gaze off of Jungkook's speckled neck and finally studied his face, the place I've been avoiding since day one. He didn't look like Jungkook anymore, maybe a sleep deprived, abused, Joker version of Jungkook, but not Jungkook. The corners of his lips were painted with dark blues and small hints of reds, the doctor said it was from the gag digging into his skin. His eyes looked just as bad. They were sunken, swallowed in the dark bruise like circles that surrounded his eyes. He didn't look like Jungkook anymore because he wasn't. This isn't Jungkook, he died a long time ago.

A low groan suddenly rumbled in Jungkook's throat and his eyes shifted underneath the thin skin of his lids. "Kookie?" I mumbled, my voice filled with hope. I don't even know what I was hoping for.

Slowly, almost mechanically, Jungkook's eyes opened, his glassy orbs immediately staring at me. At least I think he's staring at me, his eyes were unfocused, trained on something and nothing at the same time.

"How're you feeling kookie? Do you need anything?" I asked, not really expecting an answer. "I'm fine." Jungkook responded almost immediately. His voice shocked me, it was smooth and lacked the stutter he had developed.

"What happened to me?" He asked and finally focused his eyes on me, I wish he didn't. Should I tell him? It might freak him out and cause him to have a relapse.

"When Jin said you were bleeding you looked at your hands and screamed. Then you stumbled backwards and passed out, you hit your head pretty hard. I'm sorry we couldn't catch you." I mumbled and watched Jungkook's face for any signs of distress, but he looked dead. Emotionless, an empty void of nothingness.

Jungkook's eyes tore away from me and burned a bright red, baby blue tears dusting his lashes. "I-I...sorry." Jungkook choked out and bowed his head, his shaggy hair hiding the pain he wore of his face. Without thinking I reached out and rested my hand on Jungkook's bandaged one. Jungkook's head snapped up but he didn't look scared, he almost looked relieved.

"You don't have to apologize Jungkook because none of this is your fault." I stated and gave Jungkook a wobbly smile. Jungkook didn't smile but his eyes softened, he's trying and that's all that matters. I watched as Jungkook's eyes trailed down and stopped at our hands. Hesitantly Jungkook gripped my hand and squeezed it, as if he was making sure I was real. I squeezed Jungkook's hand back and for once actually felt a genuine smile tug at my heavy lips.

"I'm never leaving you Jungkook. Never." I promised before lifting Jungkook's shaky hand to my lips and kissing his boney knuckles. Jungkook's eyes widened and his grip loosened, I went to far. Regret turned my blood to ice as I dropped Jungkook's hand onto the bed, "sorry."

My breath hitched when soft and quivering blood red lips suddenly pressed against mine and left just as fast.

"Jungkook?" I gasped. He looked confused but there were no tears in his eyes, just a blank stare.

"I know you won't leave me hyung but the voices tell me otherwise."