All's Fair In Love & War

Chapter 7

"Fall, wake up!" I gasped and was awoken to Ariana. I sat up in the seat and rubbed my head trying to gain full consciousness.

"I'm sorry. Is it my turn?" I asked.

"No its fine. Malcolm took your turn for you. We're almost there. You okay? You were crying in your sleep."

"Yeah I'm good," Yolanda was currently driving and she, Ariana, and I were the only ones awake.

"Fall..." she gave me a concerned look

My face scrunched up and I immediately covered my face, trying to hide the tears.

"No" I finally admitted, wiping my tears. "I didn't want to cry, I hate crying... I'm sorry."

"Autumn" I knew Ariana was getting serious when she called me by my birth name. "Sorry for what? You don't have to be like that with me. Tell me what you're feeling."

"I feel... I feel, like I'm so mad but I don't know who to be mad at. I feel like everyone I love leaves me at some point in my life. I feel selfish for even thinking about how I'm going to survive this when she's going to be fighting for her life every day. I feel helpless, I feel weak, and I'm not those things, that's not me, that's not who I want to be. I just don't know how to deal with this. And I keep having this fucking dream."

Yolanda was silent. She was always like that is these times. She more of a hands on person when it came to comfort. She would hug me and hold me while I cried. Ariana, however, was the exact opposite she knew how to make you feel held with her words but physically she was removed.

"It's normal to feel like that; to feel hopeless and angry when the only thing you had is being taken away from you. Yeah she's the one physically there fighting but your fighting for her too, a whole different battle. You're fighting for a chance to see her again and kiss her and hold her, that's just as much of a battle as a physical one. It's okay to be angry and it's not selfish. You love her, you want her with you but at the end of the day this is her dream and what she feels right doing so you have to support her no matter what and know that she's also fighting that battle to come see you again."

I never understood how she always knew just what to say to make me feel better. I didn't even know what to tell myself, but Ariana never left me out in the dark, she was the light that shined on any situation I've ever been in and it was one of the many reasons I loved her.

"You're right," I chuckled a bit. "Thank you" I sniffled as Ariana handed me a tissues out her purse.

"You're welcome," Ariana smiled, "Now what's this dream that you keep having?"

"I keep having this dream that I'm stuck and I see Cal. I try to yell out to her but she doesn't hear me. Then someone sneaks up behind her and shoots her. When I can finally move, I run over to her, grab the gun on her hip, but when I go to shoot the person... it's me but I shoot anyways and we both die"

"I'll look it up." Ariana and I used to always look up our dreams, and it was scary how accurate the definitions were. We truly believed in them.

"Okay, look up ... stuck, kill, shot, and die." You couldn't look up whole dreams on dreammoods.com, you had to pick specific symbols from the dream, the ones that stood out the most to you."

"Alright I got them.... To dream that you are stuck represents a feeling of helplessness and not being able to escape from life's problems or stresses. You have lost confidence in yourself and in your ability to move ahead in your life. Your lack of clear goals and low self-esteem may be a common cause for such dreams."

"OMG that's crazy!" Yolanda exclaimed. In fact it was, I was just saying how I felt. The subconscious is no joke. She continued.

"To dream that you kill someone indicates that you are on the verge of losing your temper and self-control. Consider the person you have killed and ask yourself if you feel any rage towards her or him in your waking life. Your dream may be expressing some hidden anger. Alternatively, you may be trying to kill an aspect of yourself that is represented by the person killed."