hooked ↣ joshler ✓

18. Secret

Josh quickly pressed the red 'end call' button in the top right of the phone located right under the thin display screen. Shakily, he slowly leaned his back to the wall and slid to the ground. His breathing became hitched and it felt like everything around him was going in slow motion, it felt as if walls were caving in but at the same time it felt like everything around him was spinning and getting faster. Those hitched breaths turned into uneven heaves as tried so hard to claim down.

He was having a panic attack.

Josh didn't know how much time had passed or how long he had been there, hell, but he noticed Patrick coming down the stairs, calling his name. "Joshie?" he tried waving his hand in front of his brother's face. "Joshie?" he repeated.

"Yeah?" Josh managed to squeak out.

"Are you okay?"

"Tyler knows."

"What?"

"Tyler knows," he said again, looking up at his little brother. "About us. I don't know how much, be he knows we're foster kids."

Patrick was quiet. "D'you think he'll tell Madison?" he whispered.

"I don't know."

"Does he know why?"

"I don't know."

"Does he know about the hitting?"

"Patrick, I said I don't know!" Josh yelled. The younger looked at his brother in shock for a moment before tears filled his eyes and started to slip down his cheeks. "I didn't mean to yell, I'm sor-"

"You wouldn't have yelled if you didn't mean to," Patrick mumbled before pushing past Josh and climbing the stairs again.

"Trick..." Josh tried again. No reply. He groaned and set his head in hands. Life wasn't going very well for him at the moment.

---

When Josh entered school on Wednesday, he was instantly bombarded by Dallon and Tyler.

"Josh, I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"I thought you could trust me."

Josh just pushed past them and walked over to his locker. As he was twisting in his combination, he saw two figures in his peripheral vision.

"Josh?"

Looking up, he saw Dallon with a guilty expression on his face. Tyler was behind him looking concerned. He sighed and turned back to his locker, ignoring the pair.

"I'm sorry for letting Tyler find out."

Josh didn't respond and instead just grabbed his calculus book, hoping to avoid being spotted at his locker before third period. He took a shaky breath and blinked back tears as to not cause any sort of scene or bring any unwanted embarrassment onto himself.

"Hey," Tyler tried. "Don't be mad at him. I'm the one who followed him into the bathroom when he called you."

"Does anyone else know?" Josh turned and looked at them, the stupid tears beginning to fill his eyes. Dallon shook his head. His attention turned to Tyler.

"Josh, I didn't tell anyone. I promise," Tyler offered.

"I can't believe you let him find out, Dallon."

"Josh it's not a big deal. Tyler's your friend, right?"

"You don't get it," Josh shook his head. "You just don't get it. Your parents and siblings are still alive. You don't have to deal with two abusive parents. You don't have to sell weed in order to stay with your brother who currently hates at you."

It took him a minute to realize what he just said. When Josh looked at Dallon, he saw his eyes widen. Josh repeated the action, starting to panic.

"I- I've gotta go," Josh said quickly, pushing past them. "Just don't talk to me."

"Josh!" He heard Dallon call his name, but he kept walking, hoping to get lost in the sea of students.

---

Lightly gripping onto the flimsy, plastic fork, Josh moved around the school spaghetti sitting on his cardboard tray. Every few minutes he'd glance up and see the table a few spots down from him. While he sat alone, the table he was watching occupied Tyler, Hayley, Brendon, and Dallon– all of which were smiling and laughing. He missed Dallon.

He didn't know how much longer there was until lunch ended, but Josh stood up and picked up his tray. He dumped it into the trash can before leaving the cafeteria and heading to the bathroom.

Opening the door, he hoped it would be empty. Unfortunately, it was occupied by one person– Mr. Way. He was just washing his hands so Josh took that as a sign that he was leaving soon.

"Hey, Josh," he greeted.

"Hey," Josh mumbled back, walking over to the counter.

"Are you okay? You didn't look like yourself in English this morning."

"'M just having a rough day," Josh said loosely.

"Anything I can help with?" Mr. Way asked, pulling his hands away from the automatic sink before shaking them lightly and grabbing a paper towel from the dispenser.

"Just some friend problems. Nothing too big," he lied.

"Care to elaborate?"

"I had a friend tell another friend a really big secret that only I trusted him with," he explained, once again, very loosely. "And I got upset and was rambling and spilled another secret."

Mr. Way frowned. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," Josh sighed.

"Talk to them."

"What?"

"Talk to the friend. Let him know how you're feeling. Try to fix things. I don't know the severity of the secrets but I'm sure they're not that big. Don't let something silly ruin a great friendship, if I'm right about who you're talking about."

Josh laughed a little. Sure, he thought. Not that big. Just a silly little problem. It's not like Tyler just found out about how shitty my life is. It's not like Dallon just found out I sell drugs. "Thanks, Mr. Way. I'll do that."

"Yeah, anytime," the red haired man smiled. "Let me know if anything else is bothering you, okay? I'm here to talk if you need to."

Josh smiled and looked at his teacher. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Now," Mr. Way began shooing him towards the door. "Go get Dallon back."