The World Through My Eyes [My Poem Collection]

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I want to tell my friends I'm suicidal, 

The longing to die is still getting worse. 

How can I tell people I love, it's possible, 

That they'll see me lying in a hearse. 

I know people don't take me seriously, 

And who knows, I might not die in the end. 

But this feeling is still killing me on the inside, 

This sorrow, I wouldn't wish for a single friend. 

I want to tell them what I'm thinking, 

I really want to be honest and open. 

But how am I supposed to say, 

That's I'm too lonely and broken. 

I haven't enjoyed life enough, I know that, 

The memories are drowning the joy. 

Some days I'm scared to get out of bed, 

Some days I feel like I'm just everyone's toy. 

I cry every night when brother goes to bed, 

Mom thinks my red eyes are from lack of sleep. 

Then I sit there, all alone, the box cutter in my hand, 

Wondering when a cut will become too deep. 

And I know I'm just complaining about my life, 

That some people have it worse than me. 

That doesn't mean I can't be hurting, you know, 

My deadly wounds are the ones you can't see. 

I want to get help but I don't know how, 

I want to talk to someone but how to start? 

I'm scared to be a burden to even a stranger, 

And my silence is brutally ripping me apart. 

Help me, just help me from being this way, 

I, too, want to enjoy the world and the sunshine. 

But I find it hard to tell someone what's on my mind, 

So, instead, I just hide my tears and tell them I'm fine. 

But how long can it go on like this, 

How many tears will it take before I can't cry anymore? 

I'm dying, I'm just rotting away in my own prison, 

This is not the kind of life I wished for. 

I don't know how long I can hold on, 

Maybe I'll still live 50 more years. 

But that doesn't mean I want to, 

Alive or dead, my heart disappears. 

I have so much guilt locked inside, 

So many things I hate myself for. 

The past is like a disease to me, 

I can't do this anymore. 

Help me.