ஜ Capricious & Evanescent ஜ Assorted and Mainly Frerard One-Shots ஜ

I Know This Hurts, It Was Meant To

Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene and Stop Going To Shows)//Fall Out Boy

It's not too fun waking up to the sound of someone you love retching.

It kind of makes you want to help them, which I really did. I wanted to run into that bathroom and rub his back and coo that everything would be okay in his ear, and I wanted to hold him, but... I didn't even bother looking down the hallway. He probably wouldn't want me to. After I rolled off the couch, stretching out my back from the stiff piece of furniture I really needed to get replaced, I stumbled into the kitchen, fixing up a glass of water like I had the night before.

Gerard seemed to be having a morning even worse than I thought he would, judging from the horrible sounds coming from the bathroom that got louder and louder as I padded down my creaky hallway. I paused outside the door, briefly reminding myself that he'd probably prefer that I leave him alone, but... I mean, fuck it. He needed someone, even if he didn't want me.

"Gee," I called in a moderately loud tone of voice after I knocked on the door twice. He coughed a few times, and then made a few viscous sounds as he panted heavily. He sounded terrible. It was only when he pulled open the door though that I could really see that state he was in. I had to hold back that urge to take his face into my hands, to wipe away the tears and the crust of vomit around his mouth... to take care of him.

"I... I brought you some water..." I said softly, unable to break contact with his eyes. He frowned, looking at the glass in my hand before taking it from me. I watched as he took a slight sip and then turned to the side as he gulped it down greedily. He must have been extremely dehydrated, and knowing Gerard, he didn't drink enough water as it was.

"So, um... how much do you remember from last night?" I asked, feeling kind of small as I stared up at him. He didn't answer immediately, instead electing to scratch at the back of his head and tousle his red hair in the process.

"All of it, I think." When he finally said something, his voice was hoarse, broken sounding. "Up until you, um... put me to bed. I'm sorry..."

"Don't be." I said softly, looking at my feet. I wanted to say more—I wanted to say that he was always welcome, that even if he didn't want me I'd still take care of him. "You're always so... so sorry. It's not your fault."

Gerard didn't seem to know what to say after that and I wasn't sure either honestly, but there was one thing eating at my mind that I really needed him to know...

"Do you remember what I said about Jamia, last night?" I asked.

"She's just your friend, isn't she?"

"Don't say it like that," I sighed, shaking my head. "Why would I lie about that?"

"I-I don't... I don't know." Gerard sighed, closing the lid on the toilet and sitting down so he could keep from passing out or something, I guessed. I leaned against the doorframe, uncomfortable with being taller than him, and I decided to step forward and sit down in front of him on the tile.

"You know you were always good enough for me, right? You know that? Do you remember me saying that?" I said, unable to help myself. I wasn't sure how I wanted him to respond, but I wanted him to know I loved him more than I'd ever loved anyone else, anything else. Maybe I was just a mess, constantly breaking my own heart over people I could never have, things I could never reach. I just wanted him.