A Love To Call My Own

Chapter 19

Today was unexpected, I only came here to in list Imir in this school, because I believe it's the best school for him. But instead of just in listing him I ended up reconciling with my family, na oo ngat plano ko na rin namang puntahan at dalawin, pero hindi pa sa ngayon, gusto ko muna sanang ma establish ang buhay naming mag-iina, maayos yong bahay at mai prepare ko munang mabuti ang sarili ko at mga anak ko sa pag babago, kaso it must fate that pooled us all in one place today to finish this family matter once and for all, and though I noticed that something is going on between my parents and my sister, na isip kong, there is no better time than now. At akalain nyo yon meron pa pala akong kapatid na maliit? At higit sa lahat I am proud to say that she got my musical genius.

I remember when I was young, I don't have any formal music education , kusa akong natutong tumogtog ng piano when I was ten. I got lost and ended inside the music room sa dating eskwelahang pinapasukan ko and out of curiosity pinakialaman ko ang piano. After a couple of months of sneaking into the said room the music teacher caught me one day and heard me play. I thought she would scold me but instead she offered to teach me how to read the proper notes, and right there my relationship with music begun. Iyon nga lang nang magkaron kami ng music recital, my parents did not manage to make it, so instead of playing the supposed piece I was assigned to play, I played the Adagio, an aerie music piece that I thought best described my loneliness. The music teacher might have felt my sadness kaya instead of scolding me that day, I saw her cry.

That day was the last time I played the piano sa kabila ng patuloy na pagkumbinsi ng teacher kong  ipag patuloy ang pagtogtog. My taste when it comes to music changed that day too, from classical to pop rock  to heavy metal. Kasabay rin ng pagbabago ko sa lahat ng bagay. I started by cutting my hair too short, shorter than my mom would prefer it, my choice of clothing changes too, from the clothes my mom used to shop for me to the clothes I prefer to wear. My love story with paint, brushes and colors begun to evolve as well. Nag enroll ako sa public school, less time to study and no one would care kung di ako pumasok o tumambay ako sa labas. Mom and dad never bother to check or maybe they were not informed, after all I faked my home address.

I met lola Marta, and from there my paints evolved from just an angry piece of crap on a canvass to something more meaningful. Kaya in senior high, nagka lakas loob akong sumali sa isang exhibit, yon nga lang hindi nanaman nila n pansin, pero by that time sanay na sanay na akong ma reject, marami ng nag bago kaya, kahit hindi nila nakita ang husay ko, ipinag patuloy ko ang pag pipinta, though I do not know, but now when I look back, lola Marta was my first mentor, my first critic my first line of support, kaya ng mawala sya, maraming bagay nanaman ang nag bago sakin, I became more bitter than ever, more jealous of everyone around me and most of all, of Scarlett. Then Jacko came into my life, things changed, I thought for the better, pero ang nangyari for the worse pala. And of course you already know what happened.

Now as I listen to Alondra play the music I once played, memories of the past came flooding through and I can't help but shed a tear and wonder kung ano kayang nangyari sa buhay ko kung dumating ang parents ko sa music recital ko, may mag babago kaya sa mga nangyari na sa buhay ko o mananatiling katulad parin ng mga nangyari bago ko marating kung nasaan ako ngayon. Siguro meron, siguro wala, pero whatever happened in the past, the past was in the past now, I can say I have some regrets but I must say na kung ano man ang narating ko ngayon at kung anong meron ako, karamihan doon ay dahil sa mga bagay na dulot ng kahapon. Kahapong hindi man lahat maganda pero naging maganda naman ang dulot sa ngayon ko, at sana sa darating pang bukas at hinaharap.

As Alondra finished her piece, the people stood up and clapped, I looked at dad standing beside me clapping and smiling but when he looked at me, i saw tears coming down from the corner of his eyes. I smiled and looked away before I end up crying more.