A Love To Call My Own

Chapter 14

I don't know how the hell he learned about my pregnancy, about my children, I don't believe that Sandy will tell him, kasi kahit sya hindi alam kung sino ang ama ng mga anak ko. I was three months pregnant when I met Sandy, ni hindi ko pa nga alam na buntis ako, dahil bukod sa maliit at impis ang tiyan ko ay wala namang indications ng pag bubuntis. My period has always been irregular na sabi ng doktor noon ay maaring cause ng madalas kung pagpapakuha ng dugo. Kahit kasi nasa malayo na ako regular akong nag do donate ng dugong ipinadadala ko pa sa ospital kung saan madalas dalhin nina mom si Scarlett.

I only found out I was pregnant when I collapsed in the subway, na akala ko dala lang ng stress ko sa pag-aaral, at pamo mroblema kung paano ko makukuha sa Russia si Vladimir. Ampon ko si Imir, I met him during my Trans-Siberian travel. He's a fragile looking orphan boy na nakilala ko sa isa sa malalayong nayon sa Russia. At the age of five or six ay mag-isa syang na mumuhay ng pagala-gala sa town square at kinatatakutan ng mga locals. Believing he's a kind of demon who manage to survive the cold in Siberia. I followed him one day and I saw him hiding inside an old abandoned hut, made warm by hays, old clothing and everything else a five year old boy can imagine that would make him warm, surviving from scrap vegetables he might have got from the market or stolen from somebody else's garden. My heart went out for the boy, and I just can't leave him alone in the cold. I know the feeling of being unwanted, of being alone, of being lonely so I did my best to bring him home with me.

Pero hindi ganon kadali ang proseso, ang daming hirap, ang daming problema, pero makalipas ang mahigit isang taon, naiuwi ko sya sa London. Being all by himself for i dont know how long, made it difficult for him to trust people and communicate, he barely talk and he was hostile and he always keep to him self. It took me and Sandy months before we heard him say "Mama" at first akala ko ako ang tinatawag nyang mama, pero later on through a child psychologist na tumitingin sa kanya at tumutulong saking mas maunawaan sya, na laman kong ang tunay nyang ina ang tinatawag nyang mama at kahit hindi tiyak may palagay ang psychologist na minurder o pinatay ang mama nya at ayon din sa psychologist hindi talaga galing sa lugar kung saan ko sya na tagpuan si Imir, kung saan sya ng galing hindi namin alam, we could only guess through his language na ngayon ay unti-unti nya ng nalilimot, because now he speaks English, still broken but understandable.

As for my biological children, they were born prematurely, dahil sa halo-halong mga dahilan. Una, there were four of them inside my stressed and fragile body, ikalawa sadyang ganon daw talaga ang multiple pregnancy bibihirang maka abot ng full term. Ikatlo, I had an accident on my way to see my doctor, a speeding tourist driver suddenly came out of nowhere,hitting the taxi I was riding, killing the taxi driver instantly, making me lost my consciousness and gone through untimely labor because of the distress and impact. My babies could not handle the sudden distress and shock the accident caused into my body, and the sudden loss of blood which caused me a hefty price, I unfortunately lost two of my babies that day and that accident made one of them sickly just like my sister, the only difference was, he's a boy and he doesn't need regular dose of blood. He undergone an early heart operation when he turned one and so far my little champion is fighting and getting stronger each day, just like Imir, who helped me cope up with the loss, that now I may have learned to accept pero habang buhay ko paring ipag luluksa.

The pain of losing my children made me un functional for a while, i did not even manage to attend court hearings, which my lawyers won, pero a anhin ko ang pera na natanggap ko sa settlement ng kaso, at ang pagkaka bilanggo nya ng ilang buwan, hindi na maibabalik non ang buhay ng mga anak ko. Because of the pain, I suffered depression and so much guilt that I could do nothing to save my children, I was totally losing it, na pa bayaan ko ang sarili ko, ang mga anak ko na nasa hospital parin, but thanks to Sandy who reminded me everyday, that there are two more babies needing me and waiting for me and a boy holding on to my promise that I will get him one day and pull him out of his misery, i slowly had a grasp of reality, I seek help from a Psychiatrist and with her and Sandy's help who constantly reminds me of my other children I managed to open  my eyes and realized na kailangan kong lumaban, kailangan kong mabuhay at piliting ibalik sa normal ang takbo ng buhay ko. Sandy helped me throughout my struggles and she never left me until we both think I could stand on my own again, with my three beautiful children constantly reminding me that I need to stay strong, not only for my self but for them too. And so here I am, cracked but not totally broken.