SWASAN: ONLY FOR YOU [completed]

SWASAN: ONLY FOR YOU [EPI-48]

sanskar- reading a particular page in diary

sanskar wants one more baby and she should be girl and i never said to him but i too want one more baby. sanskar and swayyam are two parts of my heart and they together make my life . when new baby will come she will become my heartbeat and i will be complete and i said she because i too want a baby girl. hope so this news comes soon. i want to say this to sanskar but whenever i try to say i feel shy and i am unable to. what should i do to tell him that i am ready for the next baby.and if the baby will be girl then i would give her lots of love and in one way live my childhood in her. swayyam has given me immense happiness by coming in my life and coming of the next baby will enhance the happiness. sanskar too wants a baby girl and i know that he will treat her like a princess and care for her and most importantly he will stand for her which i missed the most in my life. hope my baby girl comes in our life soon.

next page- tanmay and uttara's marriage is fixed and tanmay's parents want this marriage to happen in kolkata and we agreed to them. they know everything about us and they don't have any problem. after one month is the wedding and i can feel that sanskar is a bit uncomfortable about going to kolkata. he has extended his work there too but never visited. when tanmay's parents told this few days ago since then i am observing him. the past must be coming in his mind. i too am tensed but i can't let this thing affect uttara's marriage. i talked to sanskar about this and he said that he is worried about uttara's wedding. i know he lied to me.i understand him more than himself. he has shared every feeling, all happiness and worries with me except about that day. when those so called family did not trust us he cried and so did i. the humiliation he faced while finding job broke him completely. that day he cried the last time over that matter and never discussed about that again. more than four years passed but that wound is still in his heart. maybe layers of happiness has subsided the wound but it is not healed.

next page- tomorrow we are going to kolkata. the kolkata where i have spent my childhood, my adolescence, and the major part of my life. hope things will be alright. me and sanskar almost fought yesterday. i talked to him about inviting maheshwari family as it is uttara's marriage and he denied. i tried to make him understand that a girl wants her parents, her siblings, the complete family when she marries. for a girl her marriage is very important. she has many dreams regarding it but i could not convince him. i did not mention him about uttara's wish about which tanmay told me. tanmay told me about uttara saying that it was her dream to have a grand wedding where everyone was present and her brothers bring her to mandap along with her bhabhi. i just hope that uttara's wedding would be good and most importantly she will be happy. i am feeling uneasy and restless when i think of going kolkata. i don't know why. i just pray to god that my family remains intact and happy because neither me nor sanskar has the strength to lose something.

next page-

maa is crying and i can't stop her from crying. how could i stop her when the pain is so deep. that's why i took this decision and filed for custody case. i can't see maa suffering for a mistake which she has not done. i invited maheshwari's for uttara's mehndi and sangeet and i somehow convinced sanskar too and they came. everything went good but at the end they fought and that was seen by swayyam. but anyhow situation went under control but today in haldi when maa met ayush she can't control herself. she is crying since that time. i have sent swayyam to her and she will be diverted but now i am feeling suffocated. how could he[shekhar] just ask forgiveness by saying that he got to know the truth. i will never forgive him. what does he think that are we dolls to act upon his wish and finds us suitable. he is my so called baba but i don't want him. why should i forgive him. he disowned me and divorced maa without thinking twice. i craved for fatherly love since childhood but if a father is like this then i don't want one. he trusts ragini and all others but when it comes to me and maa why we have to prove ourselves each time. i will never, never ever forgive him. relations are all about unspoken trust and understanding but i never found that trust in his eyes. each time he ask me to sacrifice. why should i when he doesn't trust us and simply moves out from our lives when we need his support. he is no one to me. when sanskar carried swayyam in his arms, he taught him to walk, to speak and fulfilled his wishes and taught him difference between right and wrong i wondered how blissfull would it be to feel father's love. when sanskar loved and cared for swayyam along with him i felt that love and care too. sanskar has filled all those spaces in my life which were empty and gave my life a new dimension. i don't need anyone else. i will not forgive anyone of them who became the reason of sanskar's tears, who could not trust us and they are asking for forgiveness today but i am sure if in future situation comes like this again they will again ask for proof before trusting. forgiving them means trusting upon them which i will never do. this is my decision and i will never impose them on anyone. maa and sanskar are still fighting with their own thoughts. whatever be their decision i will support them. if they forgive them and would want to live with them i will not object but yes the relation won't be the same as before. i will never trust them, love them, as now my family is sanskar swayyam, uttara, tanmay, rashika, maa, sir and nikita ji and no one else, because these relations are based on trust and it's pillars are so strong to be broken. i will never consider those people as my family who told that we are their own but never considered, who always needs proofs to show that we are correct. that day when they backed off they broke us and now i won't give them chance to harm my family even a bit. never till i am alive. i can't bear even a pinch of pain more for my sanskar.