My First & Last

chapter 20

Rose "pov"

I still didn't recover from what happened four days ago, I can't believe he lied to me, I feel like a part of me always knew this but still it's really surprising to know that they are the same person, the person I would give everything to see again

Why did he lie to me? why didn't he tell me from the beginning? since when he knew this? did he knew from the moment I bumped into him in the company?no there is no way I mean he wouldn't treat me that way if he knew right? But Chris said jack always knew ?!
A lot of questions running through my head and I can't seem to find any answers, I think am losing my mind

I rubbed my hair in a frustration, my hair looks like a bird nest and am too lazy to do anything about it
It's seven in the afternoon and I've been eating ice cream and junk food sitting on the couch watching some movie I don't know or like, I look like a mess wearing a really short black nightie dress that only covered my underwear with spaghetti straps that fell from my shoulders and got no intention of changing that, with my nest bird hair and the two pounds I think I gained in the past four days with me only eating sweets I look like desperate old woman who just got dumped, and I don't really care, it's not like anyone could see me, that's the best thing about living alone
since I got back from meeting with chris yesterday everything was messed up for me, I couldn't focus, my mind couldn't function from the things chris said
He told me jack is a mess and looks like a zombie
Is he doing alright? Did he eat and sleep? No rose you shouldn't think this way he lied to you all this time
I couldn't but to feel happy for knowing they are the same person, the same person I loved when I was a little kid, and he did still love me

Love me, god I remember when he said those three words I was about to turn and run to his arms but I was beyond angry at him at that moment, knowing he feels the same way as I am makes me happy, but he hurt me by lying to me

His mom knew nothing it was clear, he asked her not to contact me? And that he searched for me? It's heartwarming knowing he looked for me and cared but why? Why didn't he try to reach me and forbidden anyone else from doing it
Chris asked me to give him another chance and nadine said she always knew there's something behind him, since the moment she saw him, and of course she didn't miss the part of saying I told you so, and she also asked me to give him another chance
I don't really know what to do, part of me says I need to stay away from him, he lied to me I don't know if I could trust him anymore and the other part says give him another chance and ask him for explanations

He have been calling me more than ten times a day and it hurts me not answering any of his calls, I just don't know if I really want to hear his voice yet, I know if I did I would get weak and forgive him easily and I don't want him to think he could hide things from me and expect me to forgive him in a heartbeat
Wait does that mean I already forgave him "ah I don't know" I say laying on the couch with a sight

I remember when he told me he only had one girlfriend, I didn't know it was me until Chris said it yesterday, jack said he loved me so much, god I missed him

"ohhh" I sigh to myself rubbing the already bird nest hair of mine, am sure I look like a disaster, I should properly get up and do some cleaning and of course take a shower, nadine sent me a text me a while ago saying she's gonna be here at seven thirty that means after half an hour from now

I just cleaned the living room and I was taking out something to wear after the shower when I heard the door bell, I guess it's nadine
I went straight to the door and opened it without looking at the person infront of it knowing clearly it's nadine

After opening the door I turned and walked straight to the kitchen "you are early I was about to take a shower" I yell to nadine but she said nothing , I was looking for the phone to call for some pizza, once I found the phone on the kitchen stool I grabbed it and typed the number of the restaurant service I always bought pizza from