Flesh and Blood

2006 Part 1

 Tool's "The Pot" blared through the house. It was packed in there, but then again it was Friday night and we had nothing better to do. My phone kept buzzing in my pocket so I grabbed a beer and went outside to smoke a cigarette and figure out who was bugging me so much. It was probably Savannah again. I sat down next to one of my friends and lit my cigarette. I took a long drag and blew out the smoke and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I was just about to look at the screen when it lit up again with another text message. I took another drag and put my head down and laughed

"Man this girl"  

I shook my head and put the bottle to my lips as the phone went off again

"Jesus man what the hell?"

I sighed "Yeah...I love her to death, but she is clingy as hell. She's been texting me all night long."

"I wouldn't put up with that shit. Just turn it off. She needs to learn to be alone every now and again"

"Na I can't do that to her. Plus she'll just show up here if I don't answer back at some point."

My phone rang again so I stood up and walked away to answer it

"What Savannah? Jesus you can't spend one night alone?"

"I need to talk to you. It's urgent."

Sighs "Savannah it's ALWAYS urgent when you have to spend more than 12 hours without me. I want to be alone tonight. Is that too much to ask?"

"Please. It really is urgent this time Jon. I'm serious."

"Fine. Where?"

"Washington Park. Like 10 minutes?"

"Alright. I'll be there. This better be urgent Savannah and not some game so you can see me."

"Just be there."

I hung up and rolled my eyes. I handed my beer to someone inside and grabbed my hoodie. I made my way to the park and waited at the gazebo by the pond. I was really irritated because I knew that deep down this was some game she was playing. Some excuse that she was making so she could hang out with me. I loved her a lot, but there were just some days that  I wanted some breathing room...today was one of those days. I wasn't trying to be mean to her, but I couldn't have her hanging all over me every day either. It was my own fault in the end. I created this monster by spending every waking moment with her for the first 6 months we were together. I was her first everything...first kiss, first boyfriend, first love, first sexual partner....it should've been a big red flag from day one. But there was something about her that just made me putty in her hands. Her laugh was infectious and her eyes sparkled when she smiled. I couldn't resist her...all she had to do was give me that look and the answer was always yes.

I lit a cigarette as I waited. I looked at my watch and noticed it was taking her a lot longer than 10 minutes to show up. I finally saw her in the distance. I quickly took a long, deep drag off of the cigarette, stomped it out and blew out the smoke before she came up to the entrance of the gazebo. There was something about her that was different this time. She was quiet and didn't seem particularly happy to see me...which was weird for her. I smiled and opened my arms inviting her for a hug, but she just stood in the doorway and shook her head. I gave her a confused look and sat on the edge of the table waiting for whatever was so urgent.

"What's going on?"

"I know you're really busy and wanting to be left alone so I'll make this quick"

"Come on Savannah I'm not trying to be mean to you. Please try to understand that I need some room to breathe every now and again. I'm not asking for a lot."

She shook her head "You know what I don't even care because it doesn't really matter in the end. That's not why I asked you to come here."

"Then what was so urgent that it couldn't wait?"

"I'm pregnant."

It took a second for that to sink in. I shook my head and looked at her confused

"I'm sorry...did you say you were pregnant?"

She nodded and handed me the positive test "Just in case you think I'm lying to trap you or something."

"What the hell Savannah!? You told me you were on birth control."

"I AM on birth control...obviously it didn't work"

"There's no way that I can do this. I'm trying to focus on wrestling and stuff....I can't be tied down with a kid. I'm not old enough for that...I'm only 20 years old Savannah...I can't be doing this"

"I'm not asking you to. And you think you're the only one with things going on? I'm only 18. I'm not ready to be a parent. I don't even want kids. At least you don't have to explain any of this to anyone. I still have to go home and face my father...you know how awesome that always is.  Look I don't believe in abortion so don't even ask since it's my body. I'll just put it up for adoption. You don't have to be there. You don't even have to care. We don't even have to see each other beyond tonight. I just need you to show up for 5 minutes to sign the papers and I won't even be there for that."

"Savannah...I...I'm sorry. I just can't. I really hope you weren't expecting more. I can tell you're pretending not to care and like this doesn't matter. I'm not ready for this at all and I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I don't want to hurt you. Please try to understand. I care about you a lot...I love you. But this is a road that I just can't go down. I'll do whatever you want me to to help you...sign papers or whatever."

She broke down and started to cry. I stood up and pulled her to me and held her. I wasn't good at this kind of thing and she'd never actually cried like this in front of me. 

"Come with me to tell my dad...please..."

I pulled her back and nodded. Her dad wasn't exactly the easiest person to talk to, but maybe if I'm there it'll help soften the blow. He didn't like me and I didn't care...I wasn't dating him. I laced her fingers with mine and walked with her the three blocks to her house.