Emerald and Hazel

Chapter 15 - A Month of Wednesdays

James' P.O.V

Could this week go any slower?

It's only Wednesday and it feels like it's been a month! Standing next to Lisa everyone morning, day and night when all I want is to run to my common room and tell Lily I was lying and that I love her and everything else I've been holding back.

I rarely see Lily now, if I'm lucky I can catch a glimpse of her through her window during quidditch practice. But the longer the week went on I couldn't help think of everything she was going through and that I was definitely taking its toll on her.

I told Sirius, Marlene, Remus, Peter, Alice and Mary everything because I couldn't keep it to myself with no advice and I needed to know how Lily was. Anyway, Marlene said that she's really worried about Lily. Lily hasn't eaten in days, she hardly leaves her bed and all she does is sleep and cry.

Everyone is waiting out the week with me but the longer we leave Lily on her own the more worried we become.

By Transfiguration my concentration level was zero.

'Potter? Are you paying attention?' McGonagall's voice broke through my deep thought.

'Yes.' I said hastily.

'Well then, Potter, would you mind telling us what we will be turning these necklaces into today?' She tested me and my patience was wearing thin as I slammed my hand over the necklace and dangled it from my hand trying to remember anything we had covered so far this lesson.

A white flower hung from the silver chain and my body filled with a strange sensation and I immediately knew what to say.

'Flowers.' I answered. Lillie flowers or as I would spell it Lily-flowers.

Even when the week was up, what would I say to Lily? How would I explain all of this? There's so much to tell her I just won't know where to begin.

I had to fight the urge to smile as I thought about how me and Lily will be together this this time next week.

The bell rang and echoed through the classrooms stone walls and I jumped slightly at the sudden awakening.

Lunch now, and time to meet Lisa... yay.

Lily's P.O.V

I have nothing to do. I want something to do but I don't want to do anything. Does that make sense? I don't know if I even care anymore. It's been three days and if feels like a month and this pain is still here.

My minds keeps wondering the worst thoughts in my head no matter how badly I try to distract myself the worst feeling of emptiness inside me always claims victory.

Everyday now for me to keep going was a battle, to care about anything, to want to wake up, to believe things will get better, and I don't think I'm winning the battle anymore.

Tears are about all I can make right now. I can't even cast spells anymore, at this I just cry more and silently sob into my pillow and want someone to tell me I'll get better and the feeling will go away but at the same time if I ever saw anyone again it would be too soon. The good part is that I'm always tired and in getting a lot of rest, so when I go back to my classes at least I'll be well rested.

I keep telling myself I'm going to work to get over this pain, but I haven't started trying and I can't even think properly anymore. I don't know how to put the way I'm feeling into words and I feel so lost because I can't even comprehend how alone and confused I feel. I have shut myself down emotionally and I think if I act like the pain isn't that bad it will go away, but in the end I will end up telling myself I did the wrong thing and my feelings will be worse than ever.

I'm rambling. I wish life was simple, I wish, I wouldn't have written that letter, I wish that James would still love me, I wish I knew to get over this.

By now I'm probably just sounding very pitiful and pathetic.

'Hey, are you okay?' Marlene opens with the same words, in the same voice, every. Single. Day.

'Getting there.' I reply with the same words I respond with every single day.

'You say that everyday though.' Marlene sat at the edge of my bed.

'I know.' I mumbled into my pillow.

'I saw James today,' my eyes opened and my focus was suddenly focused on every word Marlene was saying 'he was worried about you.'

I scoffed 'Worried about me? You're joking?'

'No, he's genuinely concerned.' She said trying to convince me.

'He didn't seem too 'concerned' when he caused me to have a mental breakdown.' I raised my voice slightly and finally sat up, my hair as messy as the jumbled thoughts in my brain.

'He's sorry about that, he didn't mean--'

I cut across her before she could finish 'Didn't mean to? Oh he's sorry is he? He's genuinely concerned?' I said in a tone of mock sympathy 'Well then why is it, if he's so sorry, he's not saying this in person?' I questioned her.

Marlene stayed silent and stared and the crimson bed cover.

'That's what I thought.' I laid back down on my bed sulking.

'Do you need anything?' Marlene said after a minute of silence.

'No, thank you.' I said and waited for the door to shut before turned on my back and looked out of my window opposite my bed and the sun was shining through the lining of two clouds and I admired the beautiful atmosphere before resuming to feel how I was feeling.

One more day. I was going to allow myself to wallow in my grief for one more day and then I'm pulling myself together. I suddenly felt a bit giddy at the idea of being me again. But this Lily now will be damaged, I know that, she'll have been through hell and back and have the scars to prove it too. She'll have been hurt, but she'll be stronger and with this a small, crooked smile lingered on my face for a moment before I closed my eyes again and drifted into darkness.

A/N I'm sorry, I know this chapter is short and doesn't have much detail and took ages to update. I just have some stuff going on and I promise the next chapter will be happier, longer and not take as much time to update. Thank you to the main people who always vote and comment, I'll be mentioning you lot soon as well. Vote, comment and as always, tell me what you think, thank you xx