Evan Hansen x Reader

Dear Connor Murphy

You had no idea what you were doing with your life right now. You weren't sure where to go, what to do, or who to go to. Instinct told you to talk to Evan, but he you didn't want to bother him. Your next option was Zoe, but she was in no emotional state to help you. God knows what she was going through at that time. You briefly considered Jared, but almost immediately shut that option down. There was no way that you were going to talk to your other friends about this; they had no idea what was going on in your life and, besides, you hadn't talked to them in months. After racking your brain for ideas, you finally got an answer.

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The grass beneath you tickled your legs. The air around you was so fresh, so pure, but you shuddered and wrapped your jacket closer around you. A city girl didn't belong in a place this quiet. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes.

The drive to the cemetery was about fifteen minutes away from your house. During the entire duration of the trip, you were arguing with yourself on whether you should have been doing this. But when you arrived, you knew that there was no turning back.

You weren't surprised when you saw Connor's headstone. Even though you didn't talk to him, he didn't seem like the kind of guy that wanted a fancy, decorative headstone. His was made of black marble, with only his name, date of birth, date of death, and the words: son, brother, and friend. You chuckled to yourself when you read the word friend. You knew enough about the guy to know that he didn't have any, except for "Evan". After purposefully stalling, you began to talk.

"Hey Connor. I'm Y/N. You probably didn't know me, and I didn't really know you. But, I'm here to talk. I'm trusting you to keep my secrets, okay?"

You smiled to yourself. "Why in the world am I talking to a headstone?"

But you kept on going. "Things have been...kinda tough since you died. You probably know about the whole Connor Project thing, and it just turned into this whole shitshow. I probably have half the school against me, after what happened with David and Alana and Jared. God, I don't know what went wrong with me." You paused, searching for something to say.

"It's just, I really don't know what to do now. I mean, I have friends, but, they can't exactly help me. do you know what I mean?" You looked expectantly at the headstone. After a moment, you laughed. "God, I must be going crazy. Waiting for a headstone to answer me?"

You didn't realize that you had said that out loud until somebody from behind you said "Holy shit Y/N, don't you know that you're already crazy?"

You didn't need to turn around to know who it was. "Hey Jared, what's up?"

He sat down next to you. "Nothing much, just talking to a headstone."

You smiled and whacked his head. "So, why are you here? Really?"

He looked at you. "Just came to pay my nonexistent respects." When he saw the look on your face, he winced and said "Sorry. Didn't mean it like that."

You nodded. "Yeah, me too. About paying my respects, I mean."

"How's Evan been doing?"

You were surprised by his question. Just a few days ago he was arguing with you about Evan, and now he cared about his well being? Plot twist. "He's been holding out. There's school and whatnot, so he's kinda busy."

Jared nodded. "I get it. Senior year has been a real...schnoppzerfel."

You grinned and looked at him. "Schnoppzerfel...?"

He shrugged and smiled. "Just something I made up."

A/N: I AM SO FRIGGIN EXCITED I'M GONNA SEE DEH WITH MY COUSIN!!!

ANYWAY thanks so much for all the views, and keep the comments coming guys!

Toodles!

-J