Lost and Insecure: Janoskians Fan Fic

Chapter 5

This is another nice long chapter :) hope you like it.... some of it won't make sense (possibly) but the big drama is coming :) big shout out to www-iluvgymnastics-com.tumblr.com for helping me out on the next few chapters

_____________________________________________________________________________JAI’S POV

Jess answered me, ‘Wherever I was, I just never felt good enough for anyone or anything. At school I was never smart enough, I was never pretty enough, I wore my hair to slick, I was too skinny or I was too much of a teacher’s pet. At home I was too lazy, I never did anything around the house or I was to glued to my computer. And then there was ……’ she hesitated, i have no idea why, there was obviously not telling me something, I wasn’t going to rush her into it. I looked up and she continued. ‘I watched you boys on Youtube over and over to let my mind run away, but reality always hit back hard. Then I finally lost it. You know the beauty of self-harm is that I actually took away the pain, not some boys or singers; I had control over my emotions for once!’ I looked at her in amazement, I didn’t know what to say, the way she said ‘the beauty of self-harm’ it really must of gotten to be a lot if she felt that way.

‘But how did you actually you know?’

‘I was a little scarred at first, but the pain it allowed me to escape the thoughts. I planned it for a long time, to make sure no one would notice. I didn’t cut my wrists because I knew people would see, and because I at gymnastics I wear short bike shorts my thighs were ruled out. So my stomach seemed like the perfect spot. And the best bit was that training on it made the pain come back when I was training, doing a back bend ripped open the fresh scars, allowing me to escape just a little bit more often.’ This was just horrifying, the thoughts she was riddled with, they scarred me a little, but I can’t imagine how much it terrified her. I made sure not to look surprised or scarred for her, she needed someone and that was going to be me. I stood up and helped Jess up too. I looked around then asked, ‘I have to go now, mum will want the groceries, what are you going to do?’ Jess looked at the ground and replied ‘Nothing’

‘What?’

‘Nothing!’ she screamed, ‘I can’t do anything Jai, I can’t face my parents and I have nowhere to go! I’m just going to sit on the bench for the night!’ As soon she had yelled at me she frowned. ‘I’m sorry Jai, I’m just so stressed. I have nothing’

‘Come with me, mum won’t mind having one more, stay with us, at least for tonight’ Jess looked up at me with a smile and she nodded. ‘Let’s go’ I smiled as we walked back to my house.

JESS’S POV

'We're home' jai called walking into the house. I followed him in and shut the door. 'What do you mean by we?' a voice asked. Luke entered the room in just his footy shorts. I smiled shyly, Jai interrupted the silence, 'This is Jess and she's staying the night' Luke grinned, 'I’m Luke'

'I know who you are!' I remarked. 'Where can I put down my stuff?' I looked at Jai and I then followed him to his room. He left the room and i put down my bag. Luke entered the room and walked over to the chest of drawers that sat opposite the bunk bed. 'I’m sorry' he said putting a shirt on over his head. 'I was just getting changed coz we're heading down to the gym'

'oh cool' I replied before asking if I could come too. Jai entered the room carrying a mattress and some bedding. Jai and Luke answered with an enthusiastic yes. ‘Could I borrow some clothes? I kinda don’t have anything else’ I looked around awkwardly. Jai and Luke both rummaged through their draws, I saw a pair of shorts and a t-shirt fly onto the floor. The boys started their own little conversation, I’d known Jai for a few hours and I trusted him so much and Luke was just as sweet, but there was something special about Jai. Luke walked out so I started getting changed, Jai turned around to see me standing in his shorts and my bra. He walked over and put his warm hands on my stomach and just looked in to my eyes, he spoke calmly and firm. ‘This ends today’ he looked deep into my eyes and pulled me in for a hug, ‘YES!’ I said into his shoulder. I hope I can keep this promise to Jai, I don’t want to hurt him. I pulled away and put on the shirt, I put my hair up in a neat ponytail and pulled out my little wispy bits and grabbed another hair tie out of my bag and it tied up the shirt because it was a little baggy, realising you could see my scars I quickly undid it, this would just have to do. ‘Beau is driving, I’ll grab you a water bottle and we’ll head off’ Jai shouted walking into the kitchen. I made my way to the front door, where I was confronted by Beau for the first time. ‘So you must be Jess’, Beau said with a grin.

‘Yeah, thanks for letting my tag along’ a smiled, I really needed to get to the gym, exercising helps me to get my mind off things. ‘You ready to work hard?’ Beau asked jokingly, but I was ready to work hard, I needed it, to feel better about myself. Beau led me to his car and I jumped straight in the car, Jai and Luke locked up the house and joined us in Beau’s car. Luke hopped into the front seat while Jai joined me in the back. And with that we headed off to the gym, I wondered what the boys were going to think of me….. I just prayed that they didn’t make the connection. 

_____________________________________________________________________________So yeah rate, vote comment and i'll update it again really soon :)