Left (Season 3): Despair.

Pangtatlumpu't-siyam.

Pangtatlumpu't-siyam.

Gabi na at malayo na ang nalalakad namin mula sa pinag-iwanan kay Michael pero di pa rin matigil ang luha ko sa pagtulo. Iniisip ko pa rin siya kung ang tatlong putok ba na narinig ay ang tuluyang tumapos sa kanya.

Mabigat ang pakiramdam ko dahil sa desisyon namin. Pero kung di nga naman namin gawin ang pag-iwan sa kanya at paglayo ay masasayang ang sakripisyo nila para sa amin.

Hindi dapat masayang ang buhay ni Aileen at Michael. At hindi rin dapat maranasan ng anak ko ang hirap sa US kung doon ko siya iluluwal.

Hindi ko rin mapigilang isipin kung sino na ang magsasabi kanila Blake na sumunod sa amin dahil nakatakas na kami kung wala na sila. Kung babalik ba o mag-aantay sa kanilang makatakas. Magiging mahirap ang pagkikita at hanapan. Paano pa kung palabasing namatay kami doon? Hindi nila malalamang nakatakas kami.

Hindi ko mapigilang tumigil tigil at namnamin ang panlulumo at kalungkutang nararamdaman.

At kapag sumasagi sa isip ko si Michael. Naiiyak na lang ako. Umaasa na sana wala silang ginawa sa kanya ng maabutan siya sa kinalulugmukan niya na sana tinulungan siya ng mga ito. I could only pray for his safety.

"Mga bakla wag na kayo magcrayola! Di naman surenabels kung tegi na ang fafa nyo!" Paulit-ulit sa nakalipas na oras, paulit-ulit sa tuwing hihinto at maiiyak iyon ang bibitawang salita ni Dyosa. Na kahit puro negatibo na lang ang lahat ng nangyayari sa amin ay nag-iisip pa rin siya ng positibo. Na may mangyayari pa ring positibo.

Napahinga ako ng malalim at sumandal sa isang puno, padausdos na umupo. Tumabi sila sa akin.

Sa gitna ng tahimik na gabi na tanging mga kulisap at pang gabing hayop lang ang naririnig ay nakisalo ang ingay ng aming pagluha. Pagluha para sa kaibigang posibleng nawala na at pagluha sa nararanasan namin ngayon. Itong sitwasyon na mahirap labasan.

I closed my eyes and hope that this shit will end soon. O kahit 'yong paghihirap na lang namin sa US kahit 'yon na lang muna ang magtapos. We've been fighting our freedom for so long now. Yes we got able to freed ourselves from them but they always catches us. It's like they are the damn magnets and we are the weak metals they always pulled poorly. I badly want to end the chase since the beginning we crossed paths with them. But the sad thing is we could only cut it. The connection is still there so easy to tie it again. To sew. And I want it done permanently. And I think the only answer to end the chase is to kill them.

Yes I'll kill them if it is really the answer to this never ending chase. If there is really no option but to kill. I won't think twice. I won't think of my hands get dirty by their bloods. Coz its already dirty and I can't do anything about it. I can't clean it. The water or the soap I'll rub would never clean it. Yes it will get clean physically but the image that stuck in my head is forever dirty.

I could only utter a silent sorry once I do it. Cause I won't think twice, the deaths they took made me think of this. I'll be my dead friends karma.

Sa sobrang dami nilang pinatay sa amin at papatayin babalikan sila at ako ang tutubos sa kamatayan nila.

My friends doesn't deserve the cruelty they serve there. My friends doesn't need to fight for their lives from live ones. Most specially me! I and my friends doesn't deserve this. We just want a freedom from the lefters bite but we have to seek for our freedom from them too. We should be the one protecting each other but they are the ones who pulled us to danger that we need some protections away from them. But we can't. We can't able to fight coz they disable us. They made us weak. And one by one they took my friends life like its in their hands. Like they are the one whose owning it. Like they have the right to get someone's life. No! They are just humans too! That should be like us trying to save ourselves from hoards of lefters but they choose to build a sanctuary to own power rather than build a sanctuary and help people fight. Coz in this situation money is not the root of evil. It is power.