Save Me from the Dark (A John Gage 'Emergency!' love story Fanfiction)

Chapter 48

Scarlett got interrupted from her thoughts by the slight sound of footsteps. The intruder shortly made themselves known. It was Dixie, her face a clear look of concern for the girl before her.

"Figured I'd find you here. I won't bother asking how you're doing, since it's obvious how anyone would be doing in your position... But you can't keep all this in. Johnny wouldn't want you to suffer like this."

Scarlett just continued to stare at the bed, her thoughts a whirlwind of pain and sorrow. Of wishing she could once again have Johnny back. What difference did it make what Johnny would have wanted. She wasn't allowed to have what she wanted, which was to once again be with him, to kiss him, hold him, and be comforted by him.

"Seriously, Scarlett, it's okay to hurt. Everyone does. It's part of the grieving process, and you aren't alone in feeling hurt. We miss him too. He was like family to us as well. That's why we are here for you. Even Dr. Brackett to a degree, even if you dislike him and he is a bit hard-headed at times." Dixie said, placing a comforting hand on Scarlett's shoulder. One that was instantly flung off as quickly as it was placed, as Scarlett turned, a venomous look in her eyes.

"If he was like family, then you should have saved him. He should have never died," She screamed at Dixie, tears flowing from her eyes. "If he mattered so much, he would still be with me, a member of his true family, the one he loved."

With that, she stormed out of the room, and walked down the hallways, hoping to find somewhere away from everyone and everything. She was so mad at everyone trying to comfort her. There was no comfort to be had in the lose of Johnny, and only trying made it that much more real, and Scarlett wanted it so desperately to not be. On top of that, it felt stupid.

It was just as much their fault Johnny died as the illness. They knew what it was, they should have been able to save him, do anything so that this wouldn't have happened. She needed him after all. Didn't they know this, or was it just that they didn't care? Whatever the case, Johnny's death, in her mind, was just as much their crime and she wanted nothing to do with them.

Deep down, Scarlett knew that she couldn't avoid them forever, regardless of how much she wanted to. As long as she was still a patient in this hospital she'd never be able to avoid them completely and the thought was sickening. At least once all was said and done they'd leave her alone. She'd make them leave her alone.

In the meantime, Scarlett just wanted somewhere to go, somewhere Dixie or Chet or anyone else wouldn't intrude. There wasn't anywhere like that though, unless she wanted to chance a supply closest, and the likelihood of Chet creeping around in one was way too high.

Sighing, Scarlett resentfully admitted that she was defeated. There was nowhere to go that offered the solitude she so desperately wished for. For now she'd just have to try to deal with them.

Several days later not much had changed, except her anger and bitterness towards everyone had only increased. Of course nobody wanted to leave her alone, everyone was too caught up in their own quests to appear saintly, not even bothering to care that she didn't want nor need their so called help. Nothing they said mattered, nothing could ever actually help her, so why even bother?

Scarlett had barely even blinked when Dixie had popped in at some point and began some idle chit-chat about things she didn't really care about. None of it really mattered. Nothing really mattered anymore now that Johnny didn't exist in this world.

As she absently focused on the wall, completely tuning out Dixie's small talk, her thoughts turned to Roy. He'd apparently gotten discharged sometime the day before after having spent some time in the hospital for observation. Word was he was fine, and yet, he hadn't stopped by and visited her once.

Scarlett had to hold back a bitter laugh, of course he wouldn't, everything was her fault. Why would he visit the person who not only killed his best friend, but who also got him beaten up? Roy had every right to hate her, in fact she wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if he now despised her.

As she zoned back in she realized Dixie had finally left and let a sigh of relief escape her. The silence was definitely welcome, it meant Scarlett could concentrate on her dark thoughts without distraction once more.

She wondered if Roy had told anyone about the circumstances surrounding the attack, or if maybe, just maybe, he had listened to her. Of course Dixie had tried to get the information out of her multiple times, but if she actually knew anything then she didn't let on.

Speaking of Dixie, Scarlett knew it was only a matter of time before she doubled or even tripled her efforts to get her to talk to her. Dixie was an incredibly stubborn person, especially when it came to her patients, and she knew the nurse wouldn't continue to be ignored for long. Honestly, Scarlett wondered why she'd let her go this long, not that she minded. Maybe Dixie did understand her grief?

No, that was a silly thought. Nobody could ever understand what she was going through. Nobody could ever understand the full magnitude of what she'd lost. Nobody.

Closing her eyes, Scarlett wondered if she'd ever be able to sleep properly again. Despite her almost overwhelming desire to sleep, to just escape from her horrible life for awhile, she found the insomnia had pretty much forbidden it. Sure, every now and then she'd doze off, just for a little bit, but everytime she'd startle awake. It was as if some cruel joke was being played on her.

Truthfully, in a way it was. The universe had, somehow, led her back in time to meet Johnny and experience true happiness for the first time. Only to rip it all away as fast as it came. It wasn't fair, none of this was fair.

Reluctantly, Scarlett let her thoughts turn to the one thing she'd been trying to avoid thinking about : the life that was growing inside of her. It was arguably the cruelest thing of all, to leave her alone to try and raise a child on her own when she could barely even take care of herself. Brackett had been right, of course, when he'd yelled at her about not being fit to be a mother. She'd tried to deny it to herself, pretend that maybe she could be a better person for this child, but no, she would undoubtedly screw this up.

Regardless, she wanted this baby more than anything. It was the last piece of Johnny and the physical embodiment of the love they had shared. It was so unfair. Johnny would've made a great dad and yet he would never get to experience that. Because she killed him.

Burying herself under her blankets, Scarlett let the full force of her grief overcome her. Why did things have to go so wrong?