REMEMBER OUR LOVE (Pirate Series - Book 2) (BOOKS 1, 2, 3 COMPLETE)

Remember Our Love Chapter 12

I woke alone. I felt like I had sleep for days but was still exhausted. I just lay there with my eyes closed thinking over things.

What could Tom possibly say to me to make things alright again? Answer - nothing.

Just the thought of another woman being near him made my blood boil and the thought of him kissing or touching her, like he touched me, broke my heart. He had made me feel special, proud to be his wife, I felt like everyone in the world should envy me because I was with him but now I find it is all a lie. What did I expect, he's a pirate!

I was a stupid and naïve rape victim who was left on his ship, who made no secret of my attraction to him so when he decided he needed a wife who wouldn't ask questions, would just sit back and wait for him like a good little girl, why wouldn't he choose me? I was there ready, willing and able to tend to his every whim, gullible enough to believe he loved me and woman enough to bear his children and believe I was 'making love' when in fact he was just copulating!

I knew now what men were like and maybe if I had met him at this age I would have been able to see through his façade and not made the mistake of falling for his charming personality and striking good looks. I knew that the physical attraction I felt towards him, held me here now. I was scared not to see his face everyday.

I was scared that if I left he would find someone who he truly loved and I would one day see them in the market place from afar, looking like we had that day before he went missing.

I pictured in my minds eye Tom looking at her across the market and teasing her with the wink and smile, her looking back coyly, as I had. I imagined him getting up to go speak to her, as he had to me and stealing her away to the archway where he would take her against the cold stone wall. I envied this imaginary woman; I was once her, I had let myself believe was in love.

Did I feel hurt? Answer - Yes, it was a torture that should be saved for hell.

Betrayed? Answer - Yes, without a doubt. I felt that everyone knew and nobody had told me. I felt like one big joke to everyone around me.

Did I still want a divorce? Answer - Yes. I could not live my life knowing that every time he left and didn't come back for week or even months at a time, he was in some bar with a whore. Again I imagined him lying on a bed between whores legs, kissing a her and pushing himself against her still fully clothed. Getting ready to take her as she moaned in ecstasy at his touch as I had. No wonder he was so good, all the experience he had accumulated from whoring.

ARGH! I hate him! Jealousy consumed me.

Did I want to sleep with Pirate Joe just to spite him? Answer - Hell yes!

Would I? Answer - not until I was divorced.

What could I possibly say to him or my children for them to forgive my behaviour of late? Answer - Nothing.

Did I feel like a good mother? Answer - No. I felt like the worst. My children had all but drowned under my care and then I had flown into a jealous rage which resulted in my husband having to remove our children.

Did I want to sneak out and run off, leaving this life and my children behind? Answer - Yes. They would all be better off without me.

I lay there thinking about it and made the decision to go as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

Decision made, I rose and got ready. Sneakily packed a few things in a bag for when I needed it. I would have to plan it well. I would only have minutes, if that, to get away. I would have to make it to the harbour and bribe passage on a ship or get to the coach park. I knew it would not be easy but with careful planning and luck on my side I would succeed; I had no doubt of that.