The Unchronicled Adventures Of Ahsoka Tano, Book Ten

Chapter One Hundred And Sixteen: Ready

LUX BONTERI

Two weeks he had been here, locked in his room – or so his wrist chrono said. But for all Lux knew, it could have been two hundred.

He didn't even know if he was still alive anymore; but he certainly didn't feel like it. Night and day and sleep and wakefulness blended together into one slow, uncertain rhythm. The only way he really registered the passing of the days was by the meals Amni or Chulya or Christo brought him every now and then; meals which more often than not went untouched.

Perhaps he had died sometime in the past few days, his body wasting away much in the same way his mind was. He was conscious of at least some form of intake of food from his stash of ration bars and water, but he didn't know if it was enough... or if he even cared.

Or maybe it was of a broken heart that had killed him... Yes, that had to be it. He was dead, and for all his flaws he had been condemned in death to stay trapped in a place much same as the one he had upheld in life – but it was hell as far as he was concerned, because the greatest difference was that it was without Ahsoka.

Ahsoka... the love of his life, the light that guided him home when he was lost and broken... she was gone forever. And he could never get her back, never again be hold her close and tell her how much he loved her... And the thought was more than he could bear.

As it had often done in the past few days, his gaze drifted from the sheets beneath him to his bedside table, where his blaster and lightsaber stood guard around his deactivated transmitter. It would be so easy to take one weapon or the other and power it up, press it to his forehead and–

No, he told himself, and pulled his fingers back. He didn't deserve to be reunited with her. True death, the kind that closed one's senses to everything but the black emptiness of the Place Beyond, was far too merciful a punishment for him.

It wasn't like he could afford to be as selfish as that when he had jobs to do, and people still depending on him. But try as he did, he couldn't find the will to get back into the swing of things. The hole in his emotional center was swallowing him up faster than he could claw for handholds back to the surface, and he had forgotten how to pick up the pieces again and build himself a way out.

It felt like part of some sort of dream when his transmitter flickered to life and he heard a voice say, "Lux. Lux, are you there? Can you hear me?"

Lux shot up so quickly his head spun, and his fingers searched frantically along the top of his bedside until they had closed around his transmitter and pushed the button to activate it again. A hologram flickered to life, and for the first time in what felt like years, Lux saw her face again. "Lux, are you reading me?"

"Ahsoka?" he whispered, his voice hoarse from disuse.

She sighed, and the sound came out heavy with static. "Okay, I'm just going to have to assume you're listening, because I can't afford to wait any longer. Let me start off by saying that this is an automated recording. I got to Chopper Base five hours ago, and I'm just about to go find Ezra so we can begin our mission."

Lux's face fell, and he chided himself for having gotten his hopes up like that. He knew Ahsoka was gone – he had probed for her presence in the Force again and again with no result. But nevertheless, he listened eagerly as the image of his wife began to speak once more.

"As you know, he, Kanan and I are going off on a mission to Malachor, where we hope to find knowledge – a history, a list of weaknesses, a weapon, pretty much anything at this point – that can help us take down Darth Sidious and his apprentice, Vader. If we succeed, I'll be back in your arms again in a matter of days. If not... well, that's the only reason you'd be watching this now, isn't it?"