Sincerely Three ➶ Dear Evan Hansen

Nineteen

Connor sat on his bedroom floor, pouring over his English notes from the past few months.

"God fucking dammit, why do I do this to myself," he grumbled, snatching up his copy of Romeo and Juliet . "Why does Mrs. Kitts do this to me?"

He was scraping together a last minute ten-page book report plus a rough draft of an essay. He knew he shouldn't have waited so long to do it, seeing as it was due the day before Christmas break and it was assigned in November, but now Connor had only a week to finish it all.

His laptop pinged, and he glanced at the notification.

One private message from "JareBear"

Connor sighed, opening up the chat.

Connor Murphy has logged on

JareBear: conn have you talked to evan recently

Ballet Boy: not since you messaged the groupchat why

JareBear: he had to leave right after you and he said he would text me and he hasnt yet

JareBear: its been three hours

"Three--?" Connor looked at the time. Sure enough, it was nearing midnight.

JareBear: he wont answer my texts

Ballet Boy: maybe something else came up?

Ballet Boy: he'll text you back eventually dont freak

Ballet Boy: i have to go

JareBear: nonono

JareBear: come back here

JareBear: what is up with you?

JareBear: normally youd be busting down doors to see if ev is ok

Connor groaned, glaring at the book in front of him. He was worried about Evan, he was always worried about both of his wonderful boyfriends, but this impending due date was stressing him the fuck out.

Ballet Boy: im sorry im just busy

Ballet Boy: im not thinking straight

Ballet Boy: and dont you dare make a gay joke about that

JareBear: hehe no promises this situation can sWINg bOtH wAyS

JareBear: anyway what are you even doing that takes precedent over your boyfriends

Ballet Boy: it isn't more important than you guys!

JareBear: mmhmm

Ballet Boy: shut up jared

JareBear: youre obviously stressed out and im not going to stop bothering you about it until you tell me whats wrong

JareBear: and dont just say 'its nothing' cuz its not

"Kleinman, you are such a pain in the ass," Connor muttered.

Ballet Boy: its just an ap english assignment about r&j

Ballet Boy: its due in a week before break starts

Ballet Boy: and i have nothing written

JareBear: whats the assignment

Ballet Boy: im supposed to write a book report thats at least ten pages long and then after that i have to come up with an essay topic and write my entire rough draft

JareBear: wow

JareBear: when was this assigned

Ballet Boy: around thanksgiving

JareBear: pfft

Ballet Boy: stfu im freaking out about this

Ballet Boy: my entire quarter grade is riding on this

JareBear: okay ik youre stressed, and i can help.

Connor looked at his phone, confused.

Ballet Boy: youre not even in ap english???

JareBear: shut up i should be

JareBear: anyway, im shakespeare trash mkay? ik romeo and juliet up and down.

Ballet Boy: .. youre shitting me.

JareBear: nope. completely serious. how much have you gotten done?

Ballet Boy: is it okay if i say nothing??

JareBear: i can have it done in two days. its boring here, its something for me to do.

Ballet Boy: are you actually serious?

JareBear: yup. as long as you promise to proofread it mr. ap english

Connor looked at all the sentences crossed out on his papers. He gathered his things, messaging Jared that he'd be over in five. His laptop clicked closed as his door

creaked open.

"Connor?" Larry stood in the doorway, a worried look on his face.

"Yeah...?" Connor's voice trailed off, confused as to why Larry even bothered talking to him.

"Listen, uh," Larry awkwardly sat down on Connor's bed, "can we talk?"

Connor grunted in reply, not making eye contact.

"I know it's been hard for all of us, adjusting to your condition, and I just wanted to say..." Larry breathed in deeply. "Despite the money we've had to spend, I hope it hasn't gone to waste. We love you, Connor. At least, the person we know you are. And I've decided that if you need more therapy, I'm willing to spend a bit if it means you getting better."

"What?" Connor choked out.

"It's hard to understand this. I haven't been able to find the right way to do this, and I'm sorry. I haven't been the father to you as I am to Zoe, perhaps, and I'd like to have a relationship again." Larry looked desperate to have Connor understand, but despite all the emotions he should be feeling, only anger bubbled within him. Suddenly, regret decided to join in.

"Um, thanks. I-I need to go, but thanks... Dad." Connor finally looked up at Larry, who then took him in a hug. It was strange, he had forgotten the scent and the warmth that used to comfort him. Connor eventually hugged him back, but he was quick to end it. Connor gathered his things and started to leave the room when his dad called his name.

"Hmm?"

"I'm proud of you, Conn, for making friends and starting to live again." His dad smiled softly, tears in his eyes. "I missed seeing you. The boy inside of you. I can almost see a smile in your eyes again."

"Thanks," Connor said again, awkwardly forcing a half smile as he walked out. His mom was in the kitchen, seemingly awaiting his arrival.

"Oh, are you leaving?" she asked Connor, smiling at Larry as he crossed the room.

"Yeah." Connor was already down the hallway, calling a quick, "I love you!"

Zoe's head whipped around as she watched Connor shut the door. She looked at her mom, in bewilderment.

"What, Zoe?" Cynthia frowned.

"He hasn't said that to you in three years, mom."

-

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