transgender → klance

twenty-eight

A fucking week. A fucking week of horror.
It been a week after the incident and I hate it. I feel dirty. I feel so shamed. I feel uncomfortable. I feel touched. I feel used. I feel scared if anymore of my father's stupid gang members will come after my love ones and I. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.

  "Babe, you still don't want to talk about all why all of the police officers been talking to you?" I sat still on the couch. Tensely. Lance slowing sat next to me.
  "Don't touch me." I flinched and jump back a bit.
  "I-I'm sorry." Lance looks at me with his special concern eyes and looks into the floor.
  "You-You promise me that you will try me everything. No matter of what. If you talk about it, it will make you feel good.. okay?" Lance didn't make eye contact with me.
  I feel like he's close by. He's going to come back. He will. He's going to touch me again.
I stayed silent.
  "Keith. Please talk to me. Please."
  "Keith."
  "Babe, please."
  "Kogan—"

  "FOR FUCK SACK! HERE YOU WANT THE TRUTH! YOU GET THE TRUTH! I WAS ABDUCTED AND RAPED! I WAS RAPED! OKAY? YOU GOT THE FUCKING TRUTH!" I stood up and yelled. I yelled my head off.
  "I WAS FUCKING RAPED BY A STRANGER! YOU REALLY WANTED THE TRUTH! HERE IT IS!" I yelled and cried. Lance looked terrified. I will always remember that face. He stayed silent while I cried & cried.
  "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Lance hugged me and whisper in my ear.
  "You can cry if that makes you feel better. You can cry in my arms if that makes you feel better. You can do anything and I will help if that makes you feel better." He whispered while I cried into his shoulder.
  "What will you like right now?" He hugged me a bit tighter.
  "I-I want-t you." I tried to make the words out of my cracking crying voice.
  "Okay. You got me. You will always have me. No matter what. I will always be by your side and help you. I will always love and care for you. You are my everything that I always wanted before. You made my life so brighter because you are so special. You are special because your personality. Not what you look or do. Now, want to go to bed while you watch your favorite show & I make you your favorite food?" Lance whispered it in my ear and I broke down even more in his arms.
  "Ye-Yeah.. thank you." Lance smiled and carried me to bed. He makes me lay down on the bed. I was already in my boxers & binder. He smiled and kissed me.
  "What will you like to eat or drink?"
  "...I don't want anything. Just you." I look down my body. It's still so sore.
  "Okay." He laid next to me and let me laid on his chest. Lance kept whispering some sweet things to my ears & kissing me. He made me feel better, but for temporary. He helped me smile and giggle after he cracked his stupid pull up lines. He made me relax while relaxing my head.
  "You're so cute! Remember how before we lost our virginity together, we got so confused and made a plan. We started to laugh how complex our plan is so we ended up doing it in our bedroom." Lance giggled and kissed me.
  "Y-Yeah.. It was so funny how you was planning out all of positions. You were running around the house like that. You're such a dork." I giggled.
  We gave some small kisses and I fell asleep on his chest. I love him so much.

How cute? You have to be so pity to your boyfriend! Technically, you cheated on him. You had sex with another man.

I didn't cheat! I never cheated me! That man touched me! He abducted & raped me! What is the bright side of that?

You enjoyed it. Why didn't you stop it yourself? You always say you are so strong and independent. Look at you for real! You are so weak! Now you have to go through life with your name:
"The Daughter of A Murder"
And you been raped. That's the worse out of the worse.

I didn't enjoy. I didn't. I never did. I never did. Why would I enjoy!? That's rape!

You're lucky that you don't have any STD's or got pregnant. You're lucky you got out & LIVED. You better be grateful. After you got checked up for that shit, look at you. Worthless.