transgender → klance

ten

My mind.

I came out to my closest friends, my mother and my boyfriend. I feel loved. I feel so happy after. I feel relieved. I can't believe I really came out! My mind always told me that I will never come to anyone else except my boyfriend! My mind kept saying that I'm coward! I still think that's still true because I cant bring handle of my own fucking mind. I'm too scared to stand up. I'm too scared to meet new people. I'm too scared of answering questions in class. I'm too scared to fight back. I'm too scared of myself.
I know that Lance wants me to be happy. But I don't want to tell him. I am too scared tell him what I am actually feeling. I don't want Lance to worry about me too much. He has more things to take care of. He has big family, school, friends, and I. I know he seems like he can handle it, but I know he can't. I know he can't handle it alone. I don't want anyone to worry about me. My mom. I especially don't want my mom to worry! She has been a single mother for 14 years! She had to take care of me alone! She had so many different jobs for just to pay for me having a normal childhood! She is amazing and I will never ask for anyone more for my mother. My own mother had to give up some of her dreams for me! But at least, she finally found a job she actually enjoys. She's a writer.
I can't believe I have a mother like mine. I don't deserve her. I made own mother to go through the struggle! I hate the feeling! I hate being special. I hate being centered of attention. I fucking hate myself. Why am I like this? Why can't I end my life now? My mind wants me. Lance can have one problem gone. My mom can feel relieved. My friends won't remember me. What's the point? I can do it.

Do it.