The Force Between Us // Kylo Ren

Chapter XLIV

I AM NOTHING.
     I am a rock teetering over a dark chasm. Deciding between staying on the safe ground or falling to an uncertain death.
    I am hollow.
        All feelings are gone. I can't process and I can't think. My world has somehow come crashing down and destroyed right before my eyes.
    I have no drive to live. The one thing that kept my messed up world from burning lays in my arms as cold as ice.
    All warmth from Ben's body is gone and all I hear my self say is "No No No."
       I feel a hand on my shoulder as they try to pry me away from my best friend. From the one who saved me and died for me. The hands rap around my waist now and they drag me off Ben. I am screaming, kicking and crying as I separate from him.
      I desperately try to get out of the arm's grasp. I take my elbow and jab them in the stomach. They let go and let out a groan. I spin around wanting to pull out my light saber but I don't have the strength to. Instead I stare at them with hateful, blotchy eyes.
        "You! You did this to me! You killed Ben!" I scream at Poe face as he stands up straight. Recovered from my blow.
     "Roe you have to listen. I didn't mean to. I was aiming for you not him. He just got in the way." Poe responds.
    "He got in the way! He saved my life. He pushed me out of the way from your bullet. And now I must avenge his death." I ignite my saber and weakly hold it up as Poe backs away.
      He shoots at me but I block it. He then turns around and begins to sprint away knowing there is no way he will win this fight. A small smile comes to my mouth as I use the Force to freeze his body. I pace towards him but then I am suddenly stopped when I hear a voice over my intercom.
      "Lord Roe you are needed immediately on the Star Demolisher. Rebels have entered and are now close to destroying the station. 
    I spit in Poe direction as I release him. "Don't think you are lucky that I am not going to kill you. Because once I find you again you would have wished I killed you now."
     I whirl around grab my helmet and sprit towards the nearest plane to make my way back up to the station.
~~~~~~~~~~~

When I reach the battle station it is in complete chaos. I ignore it though as I stride down the halls toward the room where I had killed General Higgins.
As I walk down the halls I kill any rebel that is with in vision. And when I round the corner of the hallway where most of the rebels are located I am thrown against the wall by an unknown Force.
I can feel the Force trying to hold me down but I am too strong and I peel myself off the wall and make eye contact with the Force user. It is the girl from before. The one that the Resistance calls Rey and their only hope of beating the First Order.
She doesn't look like much of a threat but the determination in her eyes doesn't make me ignore her. I ignite my saber and twirl it around. She does the same as I notice that she wields Luke Skywalker's saber. What irony. I smirk and rush into action. She gives me a fight and I see the concentration on her face. I begin pushing back into the sterile white room. There we are separated from the rest and I can use the full power of the dark side.
I begin using the Force to throw random objects at her. She is not as trained as I am with the Force. And it take all of her concentration to push the objects away and fight me.
I can sense as more rebels enter the room but stop short not knowing what to do. They watch as the battle between light and dark continues.
She try's to make a bold move by jump to the side and doing a front flip but I thrust my hand out and a near by table comes and smacks into her. The impact knocks her off course as she sprawls across the floor. I rush towards her and use the Force to throw her saber aside.
My eyes burn yellow as I know I have won. And I know that one fatal strike could end all hope in the Resistance and the First Order would finally win. I point my saber at her chest and I am thrown back into the memory of standing over Ben. But I shake my head and focus on the task before me.
The rebels around the room begin to rush forwards in effort to help Rey. But I use the Force to freeze them all. It take all my efforts to hold them off and to hold Rey down. Sweat starts to trickle down my head as I stare in to Rey's eyes. She doesn't say anything but her eyes say it all. They say you don't have to do this. I am sick of people saying that and I want to finish it once and for all.
"I am Lord Roe, a Sith Lord and I will finally get my revenge for the death of my parents and the death of the love of my life!" I bring my hands up getting ready to plunge my saber into her chest when all of a suddenly a familiar presence enter the room.
I watch as ghostly blue hand rap around my hands. They slowly click the button on my saber and it turns off. I turn toward the figure as I cry out in joy and sadness. I leap toward Ben and encircle my hands around his torso. He then does the same.
The hug is strong and reassuring but something is different. I push myself off him and place a hand on his cheek. I scan my eyes across his face. He looks the same but then he doesn't. I notice a pale blue outline around him and that is when I realize that he isn't really him. It is only a Force ghost. Tears run down my face as I long for Ben's true touch. He cups my face and used his thumbs to brush them away.
"Shhhhh, my darling it is okay. I am here." Ben coos and smiles down at me.
"No your not Ben. You are dead."
"I am only dead unless you make me dead."
"I saw you die at the hands of the Resistance and now I must make them pay. Now I must kill Rey so I can avenge you."
Ben only shakes his head and looks at me with sad eyes. "You don't get it do you. Roe I didn't die because a Resistance pilot shot me. I died because I pushed you out of the way. I decided that I loved you to much. That if there was anyone who deserved to die it was me. You Roe contain hope in light in you that I know you will never lose and I couldn't afford to lose you knowing you still believed in the dark side."
"What do you mean Ben? There is no light in me. Believe me I tried to search for it. I tried so hard and all I feel is frustration and hatred. Even if I wanted to turn to the light I wouldn't be able to." I hang my head in defeat.
Ben then takes a finger and raise my chin to meet his gaze. "Roe I love you and no matter what you are and no matter what you do I will always love you. You are the light of my life and I will never regret dying for you. I believe in you and you must promise me this," Ben pulls me in for one last embrace, "promise me that you will just let go. Let go of the darkness. Let go of the light. Just let go and I promise no matter where you are I will find you."
My grip tightens around him as something dawns on me. I take in a gasp as I finally melt away and let go.
Ben kisses the top of my head and then he disappears. I stumble forward not used to him not being there. Though I can't see I know that the yellow in my eyes has dissolved and my emerald green eyes emerge. I stare down as at the terrified Rey. She can't move and I become disgusted with my actions.
Light and hope pours into me like a dam breaking free and finally quenching the dried river bed. I let the rebels free as I stand over Rey. I hold a hand out to her and she hesitated take it.
"Quick you must leave. I will destroy this station but you must leave. I promise you I am not lying. Please tell Poe I am sorry and tell the Resistance that there is no way I can repay all the murders I had committed but I hope this act will excuse them. Now go hurry!"
Rey looks at me with pride as she says, "We will never forget this Roe. You have shown that the light can always defeat the dark." I nod as she and the rest of the rebels run out of the room.
I stare out the window and watch as the Resistance flees and escapes. for the first time in what feels like forever. I truly smile with pure joy and let a laugh of relief out. I turn around and face the structure in the middle of the room. I walk towards the main power source as I stare at it.
     I feel a hand in my shoulder as I look up at a ghostly image of Ben.
    "May the Force be with us." I close my eyes as I thrust my saber towards the structure. The explosion sends me flying backwards as my world suddenly grows dark and I know this time I won't be waking up.
I am finally at peace.