A Walk In The Park

24 - Asshole

It's purely a kiss of need and desire, for both of us. I've had these feelings growing within me for so long. If I can't share them with Calum, then this is the next best option. I know this is the only reason he came up here with me to begin with. He probably wants nothing more from me than a one night stand, just as Calum warned. But to be honest, right now I couldn't care less.

Ashton wastes no time pulling me to a sitting position and takes the liberty to remove my shirt, then his own. Our lips meet again and he pushes me back onto my pillow as we kiss, easing himself between my legs at the same time. The skin to skin contact makes us both moan. My hands are in his hair, grasping his already unruly waves, urging him on. He presses his pelvis into mine and all I can think about is how fast I need to get out of these jeans. I reach down to unfasten them, but Ashton moves my hand away, taking over the task, and does the same to his own. It's a slight relief, but our boxers are still in the way.

Ashton continues to grind his hips rhythmically into mine and kiss me in all the right places, and I'm wondering how I can hold off my orgasm, because it's not going to be long if he keeps this up.

He pulls away just as I approach that threshold, and pins my hands beside my head with his own. I'm pretty sure his timing is intentional based on the grin he flashes before he starts kissing my neck. Before long I know he's left a mark. I don't care, though. He can claim me if he wants.

He slowly moves lower and lower and I'm about to explode from the anticipation. But once he reaches the waistline of my boxers and starts pulling them down - with his teeth, no less - he suddenly freezes. He releases the cloth, which snaps back onto my skin, stinging a little. At first, I think he's teasing me. But then he doesn't move, and I hear him sigh heavily and groan in frustration.

When I realize something's up, I raise my head to see what's going on. He raises up to look at me as well, and I realize by the look on his face that he's not going to continue.

"I'm sorry, MJ." He sits back on his heels and sighs. "Fuck. I can't do this. I'm so sorry."

I sit up, not sure whether to be sad, embarrassed, angry, or what. "What did I do?" I ask, because it has to be my fault somehow.

He puts his hand on my cheek and reassures me, "Nothing, MJ. You didn't do anything wrong, I swear. It's just... I can't do this to Calum. I just can't. I'm sorry."

He gets off of the bed and puts his shirt back on. I feel a little ridiculous now, so I do the same, as well as fasten my pants the best I can with a raging erection. Fuck my life. I don't even know what to say. I know he and Calum are best friends and roommates and all, but damn. So what, we're both consenting adults. If I get hurt, then that's no one's problem but my own.

"I'm a fucking asshole. Please don't hate me. And please don't tell Calum. I mean, if he asks, then don't lie. But please don't offer to tell him. He'll hate me, too."

"Okay, no problem. I don't hate you. But it's not that big of a deal, Ashton. I think we can make our own decisions. Just because Calum doesn't approve of us being together, it doesn't mean we can't." I try to hide my disappointment, but that's not going so well.

Ashton sits back down on the bed and stares at me for a second before leaning over and kissing me gently. I know it's the equivalent of a goodbye kiss. I'm okay with that, or will be, but damn, there was no mistaking that chemistry just moments ago.

"Just trust me. It would've been a bad idea, okay? He's right, I'm not good enough for you."

"He really told you that?"

"Yeah, among other things." He laughs quietly. "Anyway, I know this sucks. For both of us. I really am sorry. Thanks for understanding."

"Sure." I don't understand why he cares so much what Calum thinks. It's really none of his business. But whatever. It's not the first time I've been rejected. And I'm sure it won't be the last.