A Walk In The Park

35 - PDA

I'm not surprised at all when Calum calls to apologize again bright and early the next morning. Basically, he tells me that he was wrong, and promises that it won't happen again. We chalk it up to a stupid drunken mistake and use it as a learning experience.

After that discussion, I realize that I haven't indulged a lot of details of my relationship with Jason. So, I tell him something that I hope will make him feel better.

"Believe it or not, this isn't exactly easy for me, either. You know I've only been with that one asshole. And he wanted nothing to do with me acknowledging our relationship in public in any way, especially with PDA. God forbid I even walk too close to him. I learned that the hard way. I know it's a lot harder for you. But maybe it'll help to know that I feel a little bit of what you're feeling, too: The uncertainty, the uneasiness, the fear of being judged. It's just that it's easier for me because I'm okay with who I am. Does that even make sense?"

"Dammit, MJ. I'm such a jerk. The way I acted wasn't any better than Jason's sorry ass. I can't believe you even want anything to do with me now. "

"First of all, please don't ever compare yourself to Jason. Secondly, you're the leader here. I'm fine with whatever, whenever, however. Okay? It doesn't mean that I'm not going to be aware of stares and snickers if we're holding hands in public or something. Unfortunately, that's just the world we live in. I'm just a lot less likely to let it bother me than you. And I get that. What happened last night happened. We can't go back and change it. It's okay. I mean it. End of discussion."

"Okay. But, for the record, I trust you. Please don't always make me be the first to make a move. Every girl I've ever dated did that, and it drives me crazy, and not in a good way. If you do something that I'm not okay with, I'll let you know. And not like last night. God, I hate that I did that. I swear I'm never drinking again."

I laugh, because I've made that statement so many times.

"Fair enough. And I'm glad you feel like you can trust me."

"If last night didn't prove that I can trust you, nothing will."

"I thought we weren't talking about last night anymore."

"I'm not talking about that."

It takes me a second to realize what he's talking about. "Oh. That. So I guess you remember that we made up afterwards." I feel my face getting hot at the memory.

"Made up. Made out. Whatever." He chuckles, and it's adorable. "Yeah, I remember."

"And how do you feel about that?" I'm expecting him to say that he's sorry about it.

I can hear the smile in his voice, which is a big relief. "I can't stop thinking about it. For the record, I know I wouldn't have been so brave if I hadn't been drinking. But I don't regret anything, if you're worried about that. That being said, I'm sorry for putting you in that position. I know it was a difficult decision for you to make, and I'm grateful that you chose to turn me down. It proves how much you care about me, and how much I can trust you. Not that I didn't already know, but I'm just saying."

I'm feeling a little humbled by his words, and I'm glad that Calum isn't with me at the moment, because I'd sure enough shed a tear right about now. "It wasn't a difficult decision. It was the only decision."

We talk casually for a long time, until I have to get ready for work. I'm a little more excited about it than I normally am, because I'm putting in my two weeks notice today. In the meantime, I've signed up to work a few extra shifts for spare money. I just hope one of these job interviews pans out, or else I'll be a little screwed. I wasn't too worried about it before, when I was still planning on moving back home. But now that I'm hoping to avoid that, I'm a little nervous about it. I have faith that it'll work out, though.