A Walk In The Park

34 - Responsible

It's just us guys this time, no girlfriends, friends with benefits, or chicks trying to hook up with gay men. And I've enjoyed it more than last time, even though I'm not drinking tonight. I think it's because I don't have anything to hide now, plus Megan isn't here to pester me. Oh, and Bitchy Brooke isn't here. When she crosses my mind, I wonder if Calum has been with her since the last time we were here. Ugh. I hope not.

We're just shooting the breeze as guys do and I'm relieved that they treat me no differently than before, even though they now know that I'm gay. I'm not sure if Michael knows about Calum, but I know the other two do.

Calum is putting away one drink after another, pretty much two or three drinks to everyone else's one. I don't have a problem with that. I know he's probably quite nervous. Plus, drunk Calum is pretty funny. But... of course there's a but, right? I mean, this is my life we're talking about.

So, we're sitting in this large booth, and I'm on the outside, beside Calum, who's in the middle of Luke and me. Michael and Ashton are sitting across from us.

Just as the other three haven't treated me any differently, neither has Calum. I should be content about that. At least he's not ignoring me or acting weird. But I'm not content. I want him to sit closer, or look at me the way he does when we're alone. He could easily give me a quick squeeze on my thigh and no one would know. So what does my greedy ass do? I fuck it up.

Things are dying down a little, and Calum is obviously beyond the happy point of drunkenness. He's gotten quiet and keeps closing his eyes. After the third or fourth time, I'm almost sure that he's fallen asleep, sitting straight up. It's funny, but cute, too.

I say Calum's name to get his attention. He doesn't budge. So I mess with his hair and tickle the back of his neck and say his name again, closer to his ear. It takes a couple seconds, but he opens his eyes. I'm rubbing his shoulder, not really even realizing what I'm doing. I'm just trying to wake him up gently so I can ask if he wants to go home. But, by the way he reacts, you would think I was attacking him.

He jerks away and scolds me. "What the fuck, MJ? Don't."

He could've called me every name in the book and it wouldn't have hurt any worse.

I try to not act phased by his obvious repulsion. My throat is tight from embarrassment, and I'm sure he doesn't hear me when I say, "Sorry."

Ashton, bless his heart, takes over.

"Calum, it's time to go, buddy. Come on." He stands, as do I, and motions for Calum to follow him.

Calum looks at me with no certain expression, just glassy eyes, and gets out of the booth. I tell Luke and Michael goodbye and I tell Ashton that I'll go get the car so we don't have to deal with getting Calum to walk that far.

Once I'm in the car, I allow one tear to escape, then I suck it up. I tell myself, "He's drunk. He just overreacted. He didn't mean it." Then I make a mental note to keep my hands to myself when we're in public. It really shouldn't have to be like this. But I'm not giving up on him.

I stand back and let Ashton deal with Calum. It's probably for the best. Though, to be honest, it makes me jealous. Ashton helps him into the back seat and fastens his seat belt, then gets in the front passenger seat.

"Is he a puker?" I ask Ashton.

"No, I don't think so."

That's good to know. It would suck hairy balls to have someone throw up in my new car.

Calum is passed out the entire ride home. But once we're there and Ashton wakes him up, he seems to have gotten another burst of energy. He resists our assistance to get inside, which is fine, because he does okay on his own.