A Walk In The Park

32 - Moving

"Are you moving?"

"Uhhh, well, that was the plan."

If looks could kill, I'd be a dead man right now.

"And you were going to tell me when, exactly? I just sat in there and poured my fucking heart out, and for what? So you can leave me? Is it because of the way I acted the other day? Because I - "

That's it. He's freaking out again and I have to put an end to it. I take him into my arms. "No! No, I'm not leaving you."

I hug him long and hard. He stiffens at first, but then we basically melt into one. It's literally the best feeling ever. All the while we're embracing, I explain, "I've always intended to move back home once I graduated. But I've been struggling so much with that decision, because I didn't want to leave you. It's not that far away, but far enough that I wouldn't see you much. But I realized how dumb it was to think like that since it was simply a platonic friendship, and that's all it would ever be. And after the other day, I thought you didn't even want to be friends anymore, so I stuck with the original plan. But now... " I pull back enough to look into his chocolatey eyes, which are brimming with tears. Holy shit, I didn't mean to make him cry. This is really tugging on my heartstrings. "Now I'm not going anywhere. I mean, I still have to move, but I can stay in this area. Depending on where I get a job, I'll drive an hour to work and back every day if it means I still get to see you, I swear."

Calum blinks and sniffs. "Fuck you, MJ. My heart stopped for a second." He laughs and pulls me back into a hug.

I've never felt such comfort in a man's arms before. I don't know what I've done to deserve this, but I know that this is where I want to be for the rest of my life. I still can't fully grasp that this is real. All I had realistically hoped for was for Calum and I to make up and get back to how we were - as friends. But I've been blessed with so much more; something I had so little hope for.

We eventually part, and there's a moment when I know we're both thinking about kissing, but we don't. I'm leaving the physical part of this relationship in Calum's hands. He has to lead the way, because I'll be damned if I fuck this up. It's going to be tough, but I'll do anything for this man. Anything.

I find that bottle of wine and we sit on the couch and drink and talk for hours. The TV is on, but it's more so for background noise, because we're not paying a bit of attention to it. I have no idea what's even on. The longer we talk, the closer we get, until we're nearly touching. But that's as far as it goes, and I'm okay with that.

The deeper we get into the bottle, the deeper our conversation becomes. We literally talk about the meaning of life at one point.

At another point, Calum gets a little too quiet for my liking again. I ask him if he's okay.

"I don't know, MJ. I mean, I'm okay right now. But what about later? What if I freak out again?"

"You're not going to. The hard part is behind you. You're going to be okay, I swear."

Calum is studying my face. I wish I knew what was going through his mind.

"But how are you so sure?"

"Because, like I said, we're in this together, Calum. Because I'll do whatever it takes to help you accept who you are. But, for the record, if you want to walk out that door and pretend that none of this ever happened, I'd support your decision 100%. It would suck ass, but I'd do it. I just want you to be happy."

Calum licks his lips and I wish he hadn't, because now my eyes are glued to them. But when those lips form a smile, it motivates me to look into his eyes instead. I love how they get all crinkly. That's how I know it's a genuine smile.

Calum is smiling, but he shakes an accusatory finger at me. "That right there... That's what started this shit in the first place."

"What? What shit? I didn't do anything!"

"The fuck you didn't! You stare at my lips all the time, and I know you're thinking about kissing me, asshole. And it makes me wonder what it would be like to kiss you. Then it becomes more than just curiosity. Like, I imagine it in my head and I get so fucking horny for you, MJ. God damn. But sometimes it's different. Sometimes it makes me think about other things. Not sexual things. Like, just wanting to spend time with you, like this. Just having you near me, you know?"

I nod, not wanting him to stop talking. I'm loving every word of this. Never have I ever had anyone want me as badly and wholeheartedly as I wanted them. This is so surreal.

"And the other day, I couldn't take it anymore. When you touched me, fuck, I lost all restraint. I had to kiss you. And I've hardly thought about anything else ever since, except how badly I want to kiss you again. You have no idea."

I'm literally weak in my knees right now, even though I'm sitting down. It's that bad. And my heart rate is through the roof. I want to kiss him, but my brain reminds me that the reins are in Calum's hands.

"Actually, I do, Calum. Those are the same thoughts that I have. Constantly. It's rather annoying, really. Like, can you just get out of my head for a while? And now... now it's going to be even worse because I know this isn't a one sided thing. Thanks for that, by the way."

"You're very welcome. It's only fair that you suffer along with me, right?"

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Okay then."

"So, does this mean that if I asked you out, you'd say yes?"

"As in a date?"

"Well, duh."

"Then, yeah, I guess I'd agree to that." I shrug nonchalantly, though I'm a dancing machine in my head right now.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Well, I have to leave now. I need to go by the gym. Thanks for listening. And for the wine."

"Fine. You're welcome."

"Bye."

"See ya."

Calum actually does get up and leave. I'm a little dumbfounded at the strange turn that the conversation took, but it's cool. I follow him out the door and watch him jog away. Before he gets very far, I see him glance over his shoulder and smile. I know I need to be careful and not get my hopes up. But I feel like this could be the beginning of my happily ever after.