Park Jimin; Sinner

Park Jimin; Heartbroken

/I'm so sorry this took so long, but it was very hard for me to write, maybe you will see why/

I gaped blankly at the familiar face in front of me. Jungkook gently removed his hand from my grasp and looked at me calmly. I was still getting over the fact that I was actually seeing him again after what felt like such a long time. And he chose to present himself to me as Seagull. It was just too much too fast.

"I'm sure you have a couple questions..." Jungkook trailed. I nodded slowly, still coming to terms with the situation presented.

"Why did you leave?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. Clearly this was not a question Jungkook was expecting, seeing as his eyes widened a bit in the dim lighting of the various candles around the graffiti filled room. And for a while we stayed that way. Him gaping at me and me watching him expectantly.

"I asked you a question dumbass" I said, sounding hideously weak and feeble as my eyes started to feel heavy with unshed tears. Jungkook just continued to stare art he floor. His light brown hair falling messily over his brow.

"Why did you-" I began to ask again, but he cut me off, tone sharp, but voice quiet.

"Fear does horrible things to people" Jungkook admitted, finally looking at me. Some emotion swimming in his eyes. Guilt? Shame? Fear? All three? "It takes an innocent little boy and picks him up gently, patting him on the head telling him that it was ok, that it was for his own benefit. And as the kid grows, fear slowly digs itself deeper and deeper inside until the kid is reliant on it, like a drug. But fear is there the whole time, drilling into his brain and heart, whispering sweet nothings to him while it destroys his ability to have fun, to laugh, to cry... To love..." Jungkook tapered off softly, tilting his head back down into the same position it was in before. And for some reason during his whole speech I got that he wasn't talking about some ominous monster called 'fear'. No he was reliving memories. I could tell by the flashes of horror and sadness in his burning eyes that somebody did to him as 'fear' had done in his analogy. That someone had taken advantage of his young self, made him believe that hurting him was better, was good. And suddenly he was so used to it that he didn't know what he could do without it.

"And eventually it hollows you out and leaves your body, and fear is gone. The drug you've been hooked on since birth is gone and leaves you craving fear. But now nothing scares you" he said softly. "My dad holding a belt doesn't scare me anymore. My mom taking away my meals doesn't scare me anymore. But Jimin" he paused, looking up and meeting my eyes. "You absolutely terrify me"

"Why?" I croaked, suddenly feeling like I was being compressed, not enough space in my lungs. Jungkook smiled. But it wasn't a nice bright smile like I had seen a few times before. This was a thin, defeated wobble of his lips that made him look so fragile and young.

"Because is don't understand you, and what people can't understand scares them"

"Why don't you understand me?" I was genuinely curious "I thought I was an open book" Jungkook sighed sadly, running a hand through his light brown locks.

"Look at the town I grew up in, the people I grew up around. And than look at you. You're so kind, and open and gentle. And I've never seen anything quite like that before" he said honestly as I felt my checks heat up at what he said. No one had ever said anything like that about me before, not even my friends back in Busan. And most definitely not my parents. Jungkook sighed deeply before going back over to his bag of paint cans, continuing to talk again.

"To answer your question, I don't know why I left. I was happy you felt that way about me-" he paused, stilling beside the black duffle bag. "Enough to kiss me, to touch me..." He trailed off again, seemingly deep in thought. I dared not to disturb him, he was obviously having an epiphany about his thoughts and feelings and I couldn't possibly interrupt this, no matter how many questions I had on my mind.

"You were the first one to do that, touch me with affection rather than anger, kiss me gently... And I guess that was a little different, and I didn't really know how to react to the kindness and affection you were showing me" he turned, right hand holding a can of what looked like white spray paint. For the umpteenth time in the span I had known Jungkook my heart broke.

On the outside when I first met him he looked arrogant and satisfied with the way things were. He appeared as if he was above everyone else, on a different level. But over the time I had gotten to know the pastors son I started to see how broken he was. Physically and mentally. He was as fragile as a porcelain doll yet all the people in this god forsaken town insisted on playing with him. And slowly but surly his delicate porcelain features were cracking. And I was the only one seeing it. And I wanted nothing but to hold him close, and put band aids over both the old and new cracks, but he was scared in the end I would end up dropping him, shattering him once and for all.

"Kookie" I said, my voice cracking with emotion. By this point he had made his way over to the painting he was working on when I first walked in, the one with the boy and the monster, and he was quietly spraying something else that I couldn't see baca use he was obscuring my line of vision. When I spoke he turned, paint can still poised over his art. "I need you to know something" I said softly, making my way to the other side of the tracks where he was. I finally reached him, enveloping him in a hug as best I could, face pressed intone crook of his neck.

"I love you"

"I know" I turned my head so I could see what he had added to the painting an I felt a tear run down my face.

There was still to boy cowering under the big dark monster, but wrapped around the boy was a glowing white humanoid figure, hugging him, hiding him, protecting him.

"Thank you Jimin"