Never Ends (Prequel to Please Don't Go)

Chapter 41- Bonds

Riley's POV

   I always feel so alone. I know I'm not, but I feel that way. I know I'm probably being stupid, but I feel as if I'm a burden to everyone. Ever since I met Shay I have been happy, but lately I feel as if I don't belong here anymore. I don't really understand it. When I first met Shay I had extremely bad depression, but after I started to live with her things got better. Ever since I can remember my life has been a living hell. Things are better now, but I have this bad feeling that I'm just not fit to live in this world. I love the girls dearly, and would never want to hurt them. I just can't live where I am unhappy. So I'm making a deal with myself. If I ever feel true happiness, then I hold on to it. But if I loose that happiness no matter how or why, I will kill myself. I'm not telling anyone either, because of I did Shay would monitor me 24/7. I love her and I'm glad she cares, but sometimes she goes over the top. Shay has been through emotional and physical abuse, so I guess she is afraid the same thing will happen to me. She just doesn't know that it already has. She wants to protect me, but I know it won't work. No matter how hard she tries, I can't be happy. My happiness is limited, but my depression is limitless. I wish I wasn't this way, I wish I was different. I know that the day I kill myself, Shay will blame herself. It's what she does. If anything bad happens, she blames herself. Even if she had nothing to do with the situation. Shay when she loves someone, she never looses that love for them. No matter how hard she tries she will continue to love that person. But when she looses that person, it scares her deeply. She loves too much, too deeply, too fast. That is one of the three downsides to who she is.  The second is that she is too giving. If you ask for a dollar she will give you twenty. If you ask to borrow something nine times out of ten she will let you have it. The third thing is that she is way too over protective. She is always afraid that something bad will happen. If everything is going good, she is always making everyone aware of what happens if it goes south. I just hope that when I do die, that she doesn't take it that hard. I remember she was taking care of this baby for our neighbors, but the baby got really sick. When that baby died I was worried about her. She wouldn't eat or sleep, all she would do is cry. It pained me to see her that way. I always want her to be happy, she has had enough extremely difficult life. I don't want to be hard on her. She has done so much for me, she makes me want to stay alive. Sadly I know I can't, because I can't stay happy. I just pray that when that day comes that I don't hurt anyone.

Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this! Leave me a comment to let me know how I am doing! Stay strong my beautiful readers, keep dreaming, I love you all, and I will update soon.-Coolcat51