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it was different to be clueless about a situation and have nothing to lose, than to actually be well aware of what's happening and lose everything.
joshua fucked up.
and he knew he fucked up.
his position was unmoving as he stared at the thailand drink stain on the small rug beneath the coffee table. the memories of how it got there coming back to him in waves of pain. tyler had been excited to try the foreign drink that was picked up by his best friend bambam who had been a thai native himself. but he ended up spilling it when he drank to fast and choked on the large intake of the cold beverage.
josh remembered chuckling at his best— the brunet for his actions and removing the drink from his hands to pat his back. after tyler realized that he dropped some of the pink beverage on his clean white carpet, he cried because he didn't take his anxiety medicine making the stain trigger his obsessive compulsive disorder, and put him in tears.
it wasn't spoken too much about, but the small brunet struggled with a portion of ocd and if he didn't take his medicine it became worse. it wasn't just cleaning; that was a main factor though, but it was uneven numbers, asymmetrical objects and arrangements, non-matching colors, and just other things like that.
tyler cried about how they needed to remove the carpet because the pink splash offset the white and it was ugly, but josh helped him calm down, until the brunet forget all about it and instead was bringing his attention back to the drink he still hadn't really been able to taste.
the memory made josh's hurt clench.
the apartment was so empty without tyler and his little demon cat jihoon. there was no bright tyler watching world of gumball in his baby pink stitch; angel, kigurumi onesie. or an overly giggle tyler laughing at a rerun episode of the office while eating popcorn from the bowl on his belly. no tyler dancing around to some pop song, while belting the lyrics.
no tyler at all.
josh's thoughts stopped when a knock sounded on his door. he was quick to look over at where the sound resonated, before he let out a sigh and stood up. his hand trailed through his unruly blond hair that needed to be re-dyed, and he opened up his door to see ashley standing there with takeout food and a sad smile on her face. joshua moved away from the front door to let her in, and took his spot back on the couch not saying anything.
"josh you can't just wallow in self pity for the next month." the girl said with her own sigh, pulling out a chinese container that was filled with the well known fried rice.
"yes i can." he responded, leaning back against the cushions of the couch and closing his eyes, ignoring the growl from his stomach.
ashley grabbed a set of chopsticks out of the bag and handed a pair to joshua while keeping one to herself, and slid over a few containers while taking a spot next to the blond.
"no you can't and you know why," she started with a frown. "joshua, you know my situation and do you want to be like me? i fucked up everything because i was so damn stupid and i didn't try to fix anything, but here you are with your fucking chance to make up for the shit you've done and you're staring at a wall." ashley added on with annoyance.
not at joshua but because of her past self who thought that the love of her life wasn't important enough to chase after her.
"i don't know how ash... i fucked up. i fucked up big time and i don't know what to do!" the blond stated loudly, sniffling when he felt tears beginning to gather at his tear ducts.
ashley didn't say anything, instead she grabbed some noodles and stuck it into her mouth. it was silent until she finally decided to speak up.
"if you love him enough, you'll fix it." she responded.
—
unedited. gonna get more into ty's ocd because why not? also, when i first learned how to eat with chopsticks, my sister and i ate noodles for a week straight just to use them aha !
