Wait For It {Phil × Reader}

22- Remember (but in Phil's Pov)

A/n

  So this is practically going to just be the last chapter but in Phil's pov. You dont have to read it if you dont want to but it has some pretty important.

And we hit 1k. Yaaaaaaaaaaayyyy! ^-^

Phil's pov

  I fell down next to y/n, wrapping my arms around her waist and trying not to break down again. I couldn't tell if she knows how special this was but I couldn't think straight enough to stay away from her. 

  "I thought I lost you." I tried to whisper but it came out more as a choke. I stayed sat hugging her for an hour probably. It wouldn't be a surprise as I broke down again.

  After i thought I was fine, I sat up and wiped my tears off my face. "Sorry I dont have our icecream. I gave them to some children to help their mum out." I thought back to the two kids begging their mum for some ice cream while she tried explain to them that she couldn't with out telling them she didn't have the money. I didn't know why, but I saw y/n in her.

  "That's alright love. That was a kind thing for you to do." her calm voice brought me back to the present like it always does. I nodded my head as non-shakey as I could.

  I looked up from the ground and locked eyes with Dan.

  Since when has he been here?!

  We had one of our silent conversations. More like arguments but its the same this by this point, right?

  I sighed and got up, knowing that what Dan had to say would be easier if he spoke it. "Im gonna go talk to Dan, alright?" she nodded and I smiled weakly at her. I walked out into the hall with Dan following.

  "What do you want to say?" I asked him, leaning against the wall.

  "Y/n came over here because she needed help." he started. My eyes widened, knowing where this was going.

  "Im trying Dan. But its hard when every time im close I go back to that dream." I looked away from his brown eyes and focused on the wall farthest from me.

  "What's it about?" I looked back over to him curiously. "What's the dream about?"

  I looked down for a moment. "Well the first one was simple and confusing. Me and y/n are just sitting on the couch. Then there's blood dripping down her face. Then she was gone. I went searching for her then like a...... An angel came. But it was y/n. She didn't say anything but put her hand on my cheek. Then she was gone and I heard her screaming my name."

  Dan opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off. "There's more." he closed his mouth and looked at me. "Each one after that gives more to what happened. Like..." I stopped, trying to keep myself calm. "Like I killed her."

  "Im sorry." I let the cool metal run across the top of her head before hearing the snap, unable to move my limbs myself.

  I fell at the memory of it. Dan was immediately down in front of me. I couldn't feel tears falling but they had to be there as Dan was desperately wiping them away. I closed my eyes focusing as hard as I could. I couldn't have a panic attack. Not right now.

  I stood back up being able to regain myself. "Im sorry. I- ill continue." I shook my head, as if to shake away the thoughts.

  "Are you sure?" Dan asked, obviously worried. Im not use to this. Im use to y/n holding me, searching for understanding, whispering words to calm me.

  "So each time it would show more detailed how everything happened. Last one I had y/n's spirit actually spoke." Dan looked at me expectantly. "She said that she forgave me. But I couldn't take that." I looked down, to scared to make eye contact with Dan.

  He was silent for a moment. "You're scared." he said at last.

  "What?"

  "You're scared of losing her. You're scared that you're going to do something wrong and she's going to leave you."

  "How does that have anything to do with my dream?" I asked him doubtfully.

  "Well, usually relationships end in a fight. And the two kill each other. Hence you killing her in the nightmare. But then if one really really loves the other they go out finding the one they lost even though they've already gone." I looked at him, awed.

  "What are you, a theorist?" I asked, trying to lighten up the mood.

  "I could be. I take zero tolerance when it comes to my otp." he shrugged a smile cutting across his face. "That's you guys by the way." I laughed quietly. "Seriously though. You should at least stay most nights here. Become not as clingy. Ya know?" I nodded.

  "I-ill stay tonight." I hated to admit it but I felt better now and thought Dan was right. I walked back into the lounge and sat down next to y/n.

  "Im going to stay here tonight, alright?" I asked, placing a hand on her cheek. She nodded her head in response. "You can walk by yourself, right? Dan wants me to stay here." she nodded again, seeming as if she was restraining herself from something. I put in the back of my head and got up. I put my hands in my pockets as I walked to the door toes we her out.

  "Phil" she spoke quickly. I stopped and looked back at her. She stuttered over words and sounds, unable to make a sentence.

  I walked back over to her and sat down next to her again. I folded my hands on my lap and smiled over at her. "Take your time y/n."

  She looked down at my hands then looked back up at me. "Can I see your hand?" I was taken aback, expecting something else. I could tell i made her regret asking so I held my hand out for her. She looked at it then reached out to grab it. I pressed it back against her check, closing her eyes. It was that moment when it hit me.

  She was suffering as much as me. If not more.

  She's always loved my touch, ever since we were 3. I had taken that away from her. I was hurting her. I let out a silent sigh as I looked at her face, looking as if this were the last time she would ever feel my touch.

  I leaned forward and placed my lips on hers.

  I felt wonderful. I had completely forgot what it felt like to kiss her.

  When she pulled back her eyes were clouded with confusion and happiness. Honestly, I was confused too. She didn't seem to be able to speak, and it didn't seem to be something to not say something after, so I decided to say something.

  "Everything will be fine." I whispered, even though it wasnt supposed to be. "Everything will go back to what it was. Even better that that. I just need time." she continued to just stare at me. "I love you y/n. Just know that."