I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

I Hated The Ending Myself

Gerard's POV

I can't believe I actually survived the first week of school.

Besides the normal bullying from the jocks – punches, insults, torn notebooks, stolen money – nothing went terribly wrong.

I was waiting for Mikey at the front of the school, reading a comic book. He arrived a couple of minutes later and we did our walking.

"So," I said, starting a conversation. "How's sophomore going?"

"Well..." he pretended to puke, what made me laugh. "What about you?"

"Same."

We walked a bit more, then he asked:

"Are the guys coming tonight?"

"Nah, but they're coming tomorrow. We can rehearse."

Thinking about rehearsal made me smile. It was one of the only things that actually made me happy.

At the beginning of the previous year, Frank got a guitar. He got so into it that made the rest of us get interested in music. Ray started playing the guitar, too, and Mikey convinced dad to give him a bass. They would meet at our garage and play some songs together.

I used to sit there and draw a bit while they did some covers. I always loved drawing, so having a background soundtrack to do it was actually pretty fun. One day, I started singing to their songs without even realizing, and it turned out I didn't suck at it.

Ever since that day, we have been rehearsing in our garage, doing some covers and stuff, just for ourselves. I think nobody knows we do that. But we don't care. We just do it for fun, anyway.

"So, what you wanna do tonight?" Mikey asked.

I thought for a while, then smiled and said:

"Horror movie?"

He smiled back.

"Horror movie."

Saturday morning,I woke up and went to the kitchen to get some cereal. Mikey was already there, eating.

"Morning." He said. I waved my hand, not in the mood for talking.

About one hour later, we were at the garage, waiting for Frank and Ray. Fortunately, mom and dad couldn't care less about what we did there, so we basically had the whole place and day for ourselves, without fear of being disturbed.

It was all I wanted.

"Okay, who's ready for some music?" Frank screamed when they arrived. Ray was laughing in the back.

Mikey, who was sitting in the couch, got up smiling, very excited.

"I sure am!" he said. It was good to see how happy music made him. "C'mon, Gee!"

I got up, too, very lazy, but also excited.

Ray got his guitar and so did Frank. We stared playing some covers of Misfits and Muse, testing and changing some stuff to make it more like "us". The sensation of singing was so good. I could just feel the music and ignore everything else.

In the middle of the evening, our snacks were over and Ray and Mikey proposed to go out and buy some more. I was feeling too lazy to go with them and Frank stayed to keep me company.

We sat in the couch and started talking about music. About what we could change to sound better and what was already good enough. After a while, we just stopped talking and remained in silence.

Then, Frank sighed and started talking again.

"Listen, Gee... Now that we're alone... There's something that I wanted to show you."

I stared at him, curious.

He sighed again as he got up and walked towards his backpack. Then, came back, holding a notebook. Frank sat again in the couch and said, looking to the notebook.

"You know how much music means to me. Probably how much art means to you." That's a lot. "But I know you and the guys only do that for fun, which is okay... The thing is, I really want to take this seriously, you know? I want it to be my future."

He looked at me. I nodded.

"I know, Frankie. You'll get there." We smiled. "So, what did you wanna show me?"

He stared at the notebook again.

"As I said, I wanted to start taking it seriously. So... I started writing some stuff..."

"Really? That's awesome!" I was truly excited.

He gave me a shy smile.

"You can read it, as long as you don't laugh at me. Or mock me."

"I would never do that." I said, sarcastically. He punched me in the arm and we both laughed.

"I'm serious! Also, don't show the others. Let's keep it a secret for now."

I agreed and he finally lended me the notebook. The cover was black and hard. I opened it and notice that a part of the first pages was already used, with several sentences written, circulated or scratched. After passing some pages, I finally found one whose text was written in the form of music, without any erasure.

To un-explain the unforgivable,
Drain all the blood and give the kids a show
By streetlight this dark night,
A séance down below
There're things that I have done,
You never should ever know

And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now

I was shook for a while. I never thought Frank Iero, the guy who has been my best friend for years, could write such a thing.

Without my reaction, Frank started to freak out a bit.

"Is it that bad?" he asked.

"Bad?" I practically screamed. "This is AMAZING! How come you never told me you were that good? For how long have you been writing?"

He laughed with all of my questions and shrugged.

"Not too long. And I'm not that good. By the way, you should write, too."

"Me?"

"Yeah! I mean, you look like you could be a good compositor."

I thought about it for a little while.

"Nah... Don't think is gonna happen."

We remained in silence for a few seconds, then got the notebook again.

"So... What's the melody?"

"I don't know yet. But I was thinking of something like this."

Frank stood up and got his guitar, then started playing some chords and singing the chorus.

"That is really good."

"And I was hoping you could help me make it even better. I didn't like the ending that much."

I smiled.

"Count me in."