I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Keep Your Apology

Gerard's POV:

I spent the weekend with my family. We didn't talk about shows or Jocks or fights. It was just us and movies and jokes and fun. I didn't know how much I was needing that until I got it.

Mom drove Mikey and I to school on Monday, even though we told her it wasn't necessary. Once there, I took a deep breath, said goodbye and left the car.

Mikey and I walked through the corridors. We noticed some people staring at us as we walked. We couldn't cover most of our bruised, specially the ones on our faces, and the news of the fight had already been spread.

Suddenly, two girls that looked like freshmens stopped to talk to us.

"Hi!" they said, a bit shy. One of them continued. "We just wanted to say that your music is awesome!" The other one nodded. "And we're sorry for what happened. Whenever you make another show, let us know!"

They laughed and left running.

Mikey and I exchanged a look and smiled. What an unexpected thing to happen.

And it happened all day. People coming to me to say that the music was great, we were very relented, wanted another show and the school sucked for letting that happen.

"That's just because they're the school's sweethearts. The principal protects them. But, honestly, who cares about hockey, anyway?" said a junior to me during second period. I was so happy about that. Realizing there were people on our side made me feel better.

"You won't believe what's been happening." Frank exclaimed while coming to our table during lunch.

"Let me guess." Ray said. "People have been complementing you all day?"

"Yes!" Frank sat down. "People are actually on our side! Can you believe that?"

"It happened to us, too." Mikey continued. "It's making my day, honestly."

"Amanda told me the gossips." Frank commented. "Apparently, the school is very divided. Half is on our side – mostly the unpopular and outcasts – and half is with the Jocks – mostly other athletes and cheerleaders.

"Yeah, makes sense." I said.

"She also told me that the Jocks and cheerleaders are a bit broken because of the cheating thing. Everything is a mess."

"And I couldn't be happier." I smiled, and so did them.

For a whole day, the Jocks didn't talk to us. It felt like heaven. Guess they were too busy dealing with their own problems to bully us, at least for a day.

After rehearsal during the afternoon, I was alone in my room, sat on my bed. I opened my notebook to read some of the stuff I had written before and maybe get some inspiration, and the page that I opened had only a few lines right in the middle filled.

I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look

Oh, yeah. I had started this song. So much had happened lately, I didn't even remembered that. But once I read, all the moments where I had thought about this lyrics came back to my mind.

Suddenly, I was inspired, and started writing everything that passed through my head. Good, bad, random.

I started remembering the show again, and how I felt. How I screamed. The fight. Everything. Thoughts going through my mind as the song played in the back.

Well if you wanted honesty
That's all you had to say
I never want to let you down or have you go
It's better off this way

For all the dirty looks
For photographs your boyfriend took
Remember when you broke your foot
from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
I told you time and time again you sing the words
but don't know what they mean
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book
But the pages are all torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay, now

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this I'm okay
Trust me

A knock on the door.

"Gee?" I heard Mikey's voice. He opened the door and sat at the end of my bed.

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking. Remember when you said you wanted to do something? Something big, like a revolution or whatever?"

I grinned.

"Yeah?"

"So, I might have had an idea. It seems like our music made that part of the school, the ones that you wanted to do the 'revolution' for, very inspired. But they didn't even get to listen to us properly. So, I was thinking..."

"What were you thinking, finally?" I asked, losing my patience.

He smiled.

"We'll need a song. On a tape. Some distractions. And the speakers on the principal's office."

I raised my eyebrows. That was a bold idea. But also great. Then, it hit me. I smiled.

"What?" asked Mikey after my sudden change of expression.

I slapped my notebook.

"I think I have the perfect song."

W$+{;s@