I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Nobody Cares If You Are Losing Yourself

Gerard's POV:

Getting back to school was my death every Monday morning. At least the weekend was productive; Frank and I worked in the song he was composing. I was very proud of it.

In the other hand, school was still the same. Same Jocks with same stupid jokes and punches and bullying.

During lunch, Frank, Mikey, Ray and I were sitting on the stairs outside, at the cafeteria. I looked at the Jock's table. There were lots of boys from the hockey team and other sports and some flerty cheerleaders. I rolled my eyes. Those girls were so annoying. And if I'm not mistaken, Frank is friends with one of them. Well, whatever. I realized they were looking at us and laughing, but I ignored.

Suddenly, something caught my attention: one of the jocks throwed a sandwich in our direction. It landed on Frank, who looked a bit mad, frustrated and confused, but also bored, like he was expecting it.

Ray and Mikey looked at him, too, but none of us said a thing. Frank looked at me, like he was silently asking me what to do. I thought about it for a while.

As much as I hated the Jocks, there was nothing that we could do about it. They were the school favorites, they competed and won competitions and prizes for the school. They were pretty, they were sporty, they were popular, and everybody loved them. What we, the weird outcasts, could do about it? No teacher would listen to us, believe me, I've tried.

I wanted to do something. I wanted to stand up and scream to them, punch them, beat the shit out of them, maybe kill them if necessary, for all they did to me, to my brother, to my friends, to all the other outcasts out there. I wanted to show the world who they really were, and I wanted people to listen. But it would be useless. Because they wouldn't listen to me.

It wasn't worth it.

I stared at Frank and shook my head, denying, like telling him that. That wasn't worth it.

He sighed and looked at the sandwich. I was so sad about that. I could feel how embarrassed he was. That filled me with anger. I hated when the Jocks picked on me, but I hated even more when they picked on Frank, Mikey or Ray.

I looked at them, all laughing and mocking us. The only person in silence was a blonde girl dressed as a cheerleader. She actually looked sad. Maybe she was the one who's friends with Frank? Well, if she was really his friend, she would have stopped the Jocks from throwing the sandwich at him.

At the end of the class, I was at the school's gates waiting for Mikey to get out. As always, he was a bit late. I was waiting and reading my comic book when, suddenly, I received a message.

Gee, my math class is having some extra lessons right now, and I kinda need it. Can you wait a bit longer? Thanks!

Mikey

Oh, great. Not only I would get home later, but I'd also have to wait doing absolutely nothing. Awesome.

Obviously, I could just walk home by myself. But I didn't want to go alone. And I also didn't want Mikey to go alone. I sat down on the stairs outside the school and waited.

Five minutes passed. Ten minutes. I finished my comic book. Fifteen minutes. Boredom.

I looked around. At least I was alone. No Jocks to bully me.

Twenty minutes. I texted Frank and Ray. They didn't reply. At those times it would be nice to have more than three friends.

I sighed. I decided to doodle on my notebook, but, for some reason, when I got it, I remember what Frank said.

You look like you could be a good compositor.

He actually thought I could compose something? I probably couldn't. I'm an artist, maybe a singer. But I'm not a compositor.

Them, I remembered what happened earlier. The Jocks. The sandwich. The look in Frank's face.

A wave of anger came, boiling in my blood. I couldn't actually find the words to make lyrics, so I just started writing down whatever came through my head.

And if they get me and the sun goes down into the ground

And if they get me take this spike to my heart and

And if they get me and the sun goes down

And if they get me take this spike and

You put the spike in my heart

For some reason, in the middle of the process of turning my thoughts into lyrics, I started thinking about the comic book I had just finished, which was about vampires, and ended up mixing the Jocks with it.

And it actually looked... Good?

I got inspired and started writing whatever came to my mind. Time flew. Suddenly, Mikey was standing in front of me, looking at me like I was crazy.

"Gee? Helloooo? Earth to Gerard, are you listening?" he said.

"Oh, hi, Mikey. Left the class already?"

"Already? I thought you would be super mad at me for making you wait that long."

"And I was. But I found something to do." I said, standing up and holding my backpack.

"What?" Mikey asked as we started to walk towards the school gates.

"You'll see."