Well, I was officially moved in with Jess and honestly it felt right. We’d spent the entire day gathering my things and moving them to her house. I think Jess was more excited about reorganizing her things and then, in turn, organizing everything I had. That’s just how she was so I basically let her take the reins so to speak.
We’d also talked about me going back to work which I don’t think went over very well with her. She didn’t try to stop me but I could tell that she didn’t like the idea. I knew that she was worried about me, especially since I’d been having such good days but I kept reminding her that I needed to take big steps sometime. I think she was just worried that things would go back to how they were a month ago but I wasn’t about to let that happen. I loved Jess way too much for me to check out again.
I knew it would be hard going back there. I’m not stupid but I felt like I needed to face it now or I never would. I felt like the root of a lot of my apprehensions were in that building and maybe if I faced them, everything else would come easier. That’s what I was hoping for anyway.
Which is why I’m currently awake at seven in the morning, getting ready for the day ahead. I made sure I took my two pills first, and then proceeded with everything else. I was both dreading and looking forward to going into work today. I loved my job, despite everything and it was a career I wanted to keep. I’d also missed Allie’s overly perky personality believe it or not. I had called her last night to tell her I was coming back and I’m fairly sure she deafened me. Slightly dramatic, I know, but still.
I walked out of the bathroom quietly, careful not to wake Jess up quite yet. She didn’t have to go into the studio until after ten and it was only for part of the day so she’d still be home before me. It was comforting knowing that I’d be coming home to her rather than an empty house today. I’d never admit it but I was scared shitless.
I got dressed and found my shoes lined up perfectly alongside Jess’s shoes inside the closet. Did I mention they were lined up according to color and also use? Yeah.
When I was finally ready to go I called to make sure I had a cab waiting for me, and then proceeded to say goodbye to Jess. I sat on the edge of the bed and pressed my lips to her cheek, her nose, forehead, and finally her lips once she’d started to stir.
“Hmm why are you up so early,” she questioned sleepily, her voice rasping slightly.
“I’m going into work today, remember?”
She opened her eyes at that, suddenly remembering herself. A frown formed on her lips which eventually turned into a pout.
“I don’t want you to go,” she whined childishly.
“I have to,” I laughed slightly as she continued to pout.
“Promise you’ll call me if anything’s wrong. I’ll worry,” she frowned.
“I promise,” I assured her before kissing her one last time. “I need to go now. I love you and I’ll see you this afternoon.”
“Love you too,” she whispered, probably falling back to sleep already.
~~~~
When I pulled up to the building I instantly felt that tightening feeling of apprehension in the pit of my stomach. I knew my first day back wasn’t going to be all sunshine and rainbows but I was going to get through this. I had to for my sanity’s sake.
After paying the driver I made my way through the doors of the building. The familiar lobby sent chills down my spine but I ignored it as I made my way to the elevator and up to the appropriate floor. I focused on taking one breath at a time as the elevator doors finally opened. Literally nothing had changed. It almost felt like I hadn’t even been gone.
