I didn’t even know that I was crying until I took a breath in and realized I was choking on my own tears. I didn’t know what was happening but it didn’t sound good. I could hear the doctor yelling orders to the nurses but other than that I had no idea what was happening to Jess. I was told to just stay outside of the room but I wasn’t sure I could even handle that. My imagination was going absolutely wild with what could have been happening in there.
It felt like I was standing outside that room for an eternity but in reality it was actually about fifteen minutes before one of the nurse’s finally came out to talk to me.
“You can go back in now, sweetheart,” she said with a smile. I assumed by her expression that everything was okay now. I hoped so anyway. I waited for the other two nurses to exit the room before I went in. The doctor was still there checking on a few of the machines. I looked over at Jess, expecting her to look the same but I was surprised to see that the ventilator was gone. There was no tube running down her throat and instead there were now two thin tubes leading up to her nostrils supplying extra oxygen.
“She started breathing on her own,” the doctor announced, answering my unspoken question. “At first she’d stopped breathing again when I was just finishing up the weaning process but just before I put her back on completely there was a change. She started breathing on her own and after a few minutes I was able to remove the tube from her trachea completely. She must have really wanted those kids,” he smiled.
“That’s amazing,” I sighed in relief. “So what now?” I asked as I took my seat next to her bed. The doctor walked back around and spoke as he began filling out some things on her chart.
“For right now we’ll monitor her progress but with the way she’s going now I’d say she’ll be awake within a few hours. I’d recommend you stay with her if you can and continue trying to make conversation because that really seemed to hit a response with her. I’ll just warn you that when she does wake up she’s most likely going to be in a lot of pain. Just call us if she happens to wake up before a nurse comes in to check on her.”
The doctor left after that and so I occupied myself with talking to Jess once again. Whether she could hear me or not, I preferred this very much over sitting in the waiting room. I decided to tell Jess about that ridiculous soap opera they had playing on the TV to pass the time. I know if she could respond she’d be laughing at how overly dramatic I was being about it.
“You know, you scared the shit out of me earlier,” I said sometime later. I was holding onto her hand and contented myself with playing with her fingers as I spoke. “You’ve scared me a lot these last few days actually.”
It continued like this for a long time. I had my one sided conversation with Jess, nurses would come in every so often to make sure everything was okay, and Jess remained in her peaceful state. Well, that’s until I felt movement. I was just talking to Jess about some places I wanted to take her in town when I felt her fingers move. Or I thought I did anyway. I stopped talking and watched her face for any signs of consciousness.
“Jess? Can you hear me?” I said, hoping more than anything that she could. Hearing her voice would be better than anything right now.
I saw a soundless groan attempt to leave her lips then. Her eyes weren’t open but I could see fresh tears leaving her eyes and running down her face. My heart was beating so fast as I realized she was finally waking up. I reached over and pushed the call nurse button immediately as I waited for her eyes to open. It wasn’t long before I saw her eyelids flutter and slowly open, squinting at the lights.
“Hey,” I said softly. “How are you feeling?” Her eyes looked around the room for a second before settling on me finally.
“It hurts,” she said in a weak, raspy voice. The tears continued running down her face and I, very cautiously, tried to wipe them away with my fingertips. It was difficult due to the cuts and bruises. I was afraid to hurt her.
“I know it hurts, baby,” I tried to console her. “I called a nurse. They should be here soon to give you something for the pain.”
I wanted to cry myself to be honest. Seeing her like this was breaking my heart but I needed to stay calm for her. I know if she saw me crying it would just make things worse for her. At that moment I heard someone walk into the room and turned to see the doctor walking in.
“Good to see you awake, Miss Cornish. I’m going to put some morphine through your IV line and you should be feeling a bit better in a few minutes,” he said as he walked over to the machine. Jess kept her eyes on me the whole time, not bothering to respond. Her throat was probably on fire from having that ventilator inside it.
“Is she able to drink water or anything?” I asked him.
“I’ll send a nurse back here with some water for her,” he said kindly. “Someone will be here periodically to check but everything looks good so far.”
The doctor left and it wasn’t long before the morphine started to take its effect on Jess. She’d stopped crying and after a bit of water she was able to talk a bit. I didn’t urge her to talk, of course. I knew she was beyond exhausted. I did ask her if she could remember anything about me talking to her while I’ve been here but she didn’t. She said the only things she can recall were the few things I said to her right before she opened her eyes.
“I’m sorry I scared you,” she said in a weak voice, trying her best to smile despite everything else.
“You’re going to be the reason I get grey hair before I’m thirty,” I said jokingly. “I’m just glad you’re okay and awake now.”
“Have you eaten today?” Jess asked, eyeing me up and down as she did. Truth is, I haven’t eaten since the day before yesterday. Food was the last of my concerns obviously.
“Yeah I ate earlier,” I told her.
“You’re lying.”
“No I’m not,” I lied again. Rather than argue with me I watched Jess slowly reach over and push the call nurse button, wincing as she did. “What are you doing?”
She didn’t answer me but a nurse came in suddenly to ask if there were any problems. Despite my protests, Jess asked her to bring me some food before I ‘ended up in a hospital bed as well.’ Her words, not mine. The nurse came back with a tray of food which consisted of some kind of sandwich along with some chips. She set in on the small table that hovered over Jess’s bed.
“Eat,” she ordered before leaning back and closing her eyes, the pain medication effectively making her drowsy.
I reached for the milk carton that came with it but just as I grabbed it, it slipped out of my grasp, landing on Jess’s leg.
“Shit sorry. Did I hurt you?” I asked, afraid that I was only going to break her more if I wasn’t careful.
“Did what hurt me?” she asked, opening her eyes from what was about to be a sudden nap.
“I just dropped this onto your leg,” I told her, showing her the carton of milk.
“Oh, well I didn’t feel it,” she shrugged, her eyelids drooping once again.
“What do you mean you didn’t feel it?”
A/N "Alive but not well enough to finger bang" Basically. Rosie's words, not mine.
